


Finding Home in Coffee Cups and Kindness

by Ninke_A, quiiiznak



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Hand Jobs, M/M, Masturbation, Masturbation in Shower, Mutual Masturbation, Mutual Pining, Panic Attacks, Slow Burn, agoraphobic lance, army veteran kolivan, everyone else mentioned in passing, kolivance - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-17
Updated: 2017-10-17
Packaged: 2019-01-18 16:06:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 37,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12391512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ninke_A/pseuds/Ninke_A, https://archiveofourown.org/users/quiiiznak/pseuds/quiiiznak
Summary: Signing up for the Army had been a great moment in Kolivan’s life. Until he came home after a bad injury, to find that there was literally nothing waiting for him. Despite cold nights, little food, and his only shelter being an alley next to an apartment, Kolivan is determined to get his life back on track.He may have some help though…





	Finding Home in Coffee Cups and Kindness

**Author's Note:**

> We've gotten so attached to this one and can't believe that it's finished. We hope you enjoy reading this as much as we enjoyed writing it!
> 
> Come talk to us on tumblr! [quiiiznak](https://quiiiznak.tumblr.com) [collector-of-hats](https://collector-of-hats.tumblr.com)

Kolivan groaned as he readjusted the strap on his duffel bag; it kept slipping off his shoulder. He had just been released from the hospital. No one had been willing to make the drive out to pick him up so he had had to sign himself out; it had been against doctor’s orders but he was more than ready to finally get home. He squinted as he shuffled towards the map stuck to the wall of the subway car. 

 

“Oh, sorry…” He mumbled as bumped into a business man. The man scowled and turned his head to snap at him until he took in his size. Kolivan was large - there was no denying it. He was tall - easily over six foot; his hair - which had grown out significantly during his stay at the hospital, had been carefully braided and thrown over his left shoulder. What most likely, had scared the man away was the scar that ran down the side of his face; it’s jagged line ran from his hairline down to his chin - it cut through his right eye. The scar was significant…  _ and noticeable _ , but the milky whiteness of his eye was even more of a drawback. 

 

Kolivan watched the man scowl as he moved further down the length of the car. He shook his head, not in the mood for confrontation and moved even closer to the map. His stop was coming up.  _ Finally.  _ This had been the third connecting train that he had had to catch in order to get home. He sighed; he probably should have taken those sunglasses that the nurse had offered him, or that eye patch. Kolivan shook his head,  _ no _ , he thought, he hadn’t wanted to draw anymore attention to himself than his appearance already did, and -- the sunglasses and eye patch would only impede his vision even more than it already was. 

 

He backed away from the wall and slowly made his way down the length of the subway car to stand by the door. His stop was next; and after that, it was just a short walk to his apartment. The doors opened and he stepped through onto the platform, following the crowd of people up the steps and onto the sidewalk, Kolivan moved to the side under the shelter of an awning and pulled out his phone -- the VA had been generous enough to supply him with a prepaid cellphone. He dialed Rolo’s number and sighed as it once again went straight to voicemail. He was starting to get a little worried; he had left Rolo in charge of paying his bills and rent, and so far - hadn’t been able to reach him since he had been transferred to a hospital in the states.  _ Nothing I can do now _ , he thought to himself. He readjusted his bag and turned the corner towards his apartment. 

 

The walk had been nice - not too long that it had tired him out but long enough that he had been able to clear his mind and the fresh air had done him good. For the first time in months, he had felt like himself. He smiled as he passed by a flower shop; he couldn’t clearly make out the types of flowers but they were colorful. He grabbed his key from the zippered compartment of his duffel bag as he walked.

 

Kolivan hadn’t felt this good about himself in months. Yes, he was no longer the same man that had left, but injuries aside, he’d be able to finally relax and maybe get himself a good night’s sleep.

 

His smile - and mood - quickly fell as he walked up to his door. 

 

“What?”

 

He hadn’t noticed the padlock on the door from the bottom of the stairs. Now that he was directly in front of it though, there was no mistaking what it was. He tried his key in the lock, and after realizing that it no longer worked, he turned back around and made the walk over to the office. The only saving grace was that the building manager was behind the counter.

 

Kolivan stalked over as the manager, Varkon, lifted his head.

 

“OH! What a pleasant surprise!” He looked around the room. “I, uh… was under the impression that you wouldn’t be returning…”

 

He was taken aback -  _ Wouldn’t be returning?  _ “What? Why wouldn’t I be returning? And what is the meaning of the padlock on my door?” He let his bag slip off his shoulder and land next to his feet with a dull thud.

 

Varkon flushed, seeming to not want to meet Kolivan’s eyes. “W - well, you see. Uh…” He cleared his throat. “The thing is - you haven’t paid your rent since last February --”

 

“Last Febru--!”

 

Varkon nodded. “Yes, last February. Now, as I was saying, you haven’t paid your rent in over a year and, and such, I was required to break your lease. We made ample attempts to reach you and your next of kin but were unfortunate in our attempts.” He paused to rifle through some papers “Ah! Here we go --” He held out the bundle of papers to Kolivan. “This is the address of the GoodWill that we donated the majority of your belongings to. Hopefully, they might still have some that you should be able to purchase back.”

 

“I’ve been overseas since last February… I had a ‘friend’ who I thought I could trust to take care of my bills and rent for me…” Kolivan reached across the desk and took the papers. “The majority?” And where did the rest of my things go?”

 

“Ah, yes, well… you were months behind on your rent and we had to find a way to make ends meet.” He shrugged, “we had to sell what we could to make up the difference in your balance.”

 

Numb; Kolivan could hear the words that Varkon was saying, but nothing was registering. He couldn’t feel anything -- couldn’t see the words printed across the pages. His hand shook - minute tremors, but it shook nonetheless.  _ I’ve got nothing left. No money, no home - nowhere to go. Nowhere. Nowhere. Nowher--  _

 

“Mr. Marmora?” Varkon’s voice cut through his thoughts. He snapped his fingers in front of Kolivan’s face. “Mr. Marmora? Sir?”

 

Kolivan flinched and shook his head. W - what?” He croaked. 

 

Varkon had his hand extended. “I am sorry about all of this but, well -- policy is policy! Nothing I can do about that. Now, if you could hand in your key?”

 

“My key?”

 

“Yes, yes. Your key; the new couple moving into your previous unit are due to move in sometime within the week and we must collect all previous keys and change the locks.” He wiggled the fingers of his extended hand as Kolivan grabbed the key from his pocket. 

 

He placed it in Varkon’s hand. “Are there any, uh -- other units available?”

 

Varkon pocketed the key with a smile. “As of right now? Nope.” He popped the hard ‘P’ and shook his head. “As a matter of fact - we’ve got quite a long waiting list, and - as policy dictates, we are unable to rent to you due to you breaking your previous lease.”

 

“O - oh.” Kolivan reached down and grabbed his bag. “I - uh… guess I’ll just go then…”

 

Varkon smiled as he gestured to the door behind Kolivan. “Oh! And thank you for your service!”

 

Kolivan froze, half turned to leave; his voice low, “this is how you thank me for my service?” He stalked back towards the desk. “You thank me for my service by stealing my home out from under me? The fuck kind of thanks is that?” He dropped his bag again as he advanced towards a cowering Varkon.  

 

“S - sir -- I’m sorr --”

 

“No.” Kolivan cut him off. “No, don’t ‘sir’ me. If you had had even the tiniest bit of sympathy or remorse of  _ whatever _ \-- you wouldn’t have taken my home from me.” He had his finger pointed between Varkon’s eyes. “Where the  _ hell _ am I supposed to go now?”

 

Varkon stuttered. “T - there’s -- there’s a s - shelter a few blocks away. They might be able to help you find a place to stay…”

 

Kolivan’s hand dropped to the counter with a slap as the fight seemed to drain out of him all at once. He leveled a stare at Varkon and grabbed his bag again. “Fuck. You.”  He swiveled on his feet and slammed the glass door behind him - it didn’t make the bang that he was hoping for but the glass wobbled.  _ Good enough _ .

 

***

 

He had made it four blocks before it truly sunk in. Kolivan sat heavily on the bench under the bus stop; he placed his head in his hands. 

 

_ I’ve got nothing but what’s inside this bag…  _

 

The phone in his pocket felt like a dead weight. He grabbed it from his pocket and tried to call Rolo again. Receiving no answer - in a fit of rage, he threw the phone as hard as he could into the street; it bounced once against the concrete before it cracked. It flew into the middle of the busy road and was run over by a minivan. 

 

“Great… just great.”  _ Now I’ve got no way to contact anyone and nowhere to go…  _

 

He looked down at the battered watch on his wrist and sighed. It was getting late - almost six pm and if he didn’t want to spend the night on the street, he’d have to get to that shelter and hope that someone there would be able to help him. Kolivan rifled through his duffel bag and pulled his wallet out; all he had was ten dollars - not enough to warrant a short bus ride. 

 

***

 

By the time Kolivan had made it to the shelter, he was exhausted. He had a headache from the constant background noise and from trying to focus on the small street signs; he readjusted his duffel bag - the weight of it had started to irritate and pull at the muscle of his right shoulder. He switched the bag to his left shoulder and rubbed at his right.  

 

The sign above the shelter was crooked - bent at an angle that suggested roughhousing. Unable to make out any of the small print, Kolivan hesitated before he pushed open the door and walked in.

The smell was the first thing that he noticed; it felt like walking into a wall. The shelter was humid with all the people milling about inside and their mingled body odors made him cringe. Kolivan wrinkled his nose as walked further into the building. It was little more than a single large room; there looked to be an extremely small - and dirty - kitchenette in the back of one corner and two open doorways that most likely led to the bathrooms. All around the room there were cots set up in neat rows, the majority of which were occupied by various people. He sighed for what felt like the millionth time that day, and made his way through the rows towards the desk - where a bored looking woman was sitting filing her nails.

 

Kolivan cleared his throat as he stepped up to the desk. The woman - Acxa, according to her nametag - cocked an eyebrow at him as he shifted from foot to foot. “Um --”

 

“Just sign your name on the clipboard and we’ll find you a bed.

 

He nodded, “Um… I also needed to use the phone?”

 

“You can do that after you’ve got your bed.”

 

He sighed as he signed his name onto the sheet. Almost as soon as he was done, Acxa had grabbed the clipboard from under his hand and marked something off. She pushed herself up from her chair, and gestured for him to follow him. “Alright - follow me.” Without checking to see if he had followed her, she stalked off towards a row of cots.

 

She stopped at a cot halfway down the row closest to the bathrooms and tapped her clipboard against it. Acxa popped her gum, “here --” She nodded her head towards the row of phones against the back wall. “Phone’s are over there. And I wouldn’t recommend leaving your stuff alone; never know who could come by and take it.” With that, she made her way across the rows of cots and took her seat behind the counter.

 

He placed his bag onto the cot and sat down next to it.  _ Hopefully this will only be for one night.  _ Kolivan looked at his watch and sighed; it was already eight in the evening - way too late to call his VA rep - not to mention, the line of people crowding around the phones. 

 

Not wanting to leave his bag unattended, He grabbed it and quickly went to the bathroom and washed his hands. With that finished, and back in his bed, Kolivan used his bag as a lumpy substitute for his pillow.

 

***

 

He tossed and turned all night. 

 

Even after being in a warzone for almost a year, Kolivan couldn’t seem to get passed the smells and sounds in the shelter. The lights had been dimmed but not completely turned off, so everyone was placed in shadows. And the movement -- there was constant movement. It had been impossible to think that everyone would be able to settle down for the evening. People had been coming and going through the front door all evening - the sounds from outside bleeding in every time the door swished open and closed.

 

Kolivan squinted down at his watch and sighed; he wasn’t able to make out the time except for a vague blurriness. He rolled over and shut his eyes again to a restless sleep. 

 

He had no idea how long he was out for - no more than an hour - but the sun had begun to rise and the people around him had started to move even more so than they had during the night. He sat up and rubbed his bleary eyes; a quick glance at his watch showed it to be almost seven am. He grabbed his stuff and made his way over to the phones to try to call his VA rep. Thankfully, the phones didn’t require any change to make a call - a small concession. 

 

Dialing the number that he received from his caseworker at the hospital, he was relieved when it connected right away to a receptionist. Searching for a pen and paper in his bag; the phone call didn’t last more than fifteen minutes and by the end of it he had an appointment to meet with a representative and also a list of halfway houses, soup kitchens and food banks around the area. 

 

With that taken care of and his notes carefully placed inside his bag, Kolivan signed out at the front desk and made his way to the closest soup kitchen to kill some time before his appointment later in the day. 

 

The soup kitchen that he went to was only a short walk away and it was a pleasant day outside - the weather just starting to turn chilly. He pulled his sleeves down and continued on his way.

 

When he entered the soup kitchen, he was greeted by a woman - a volunteer, if her shirt was anything to go by - and directed to the line against the back of the room. There were already a few people waiting, but nowhere near the amount of people that had been inside the shelter. He was handed a tray and made his way through the line -- by the end of it, he had a small plate of what looked like scrambled eggs, toast, a small portion of bacon, and a cup of black coffee. 

 

Kolivan placed his tray on an empty table and sat down to eat. He pulled out his notes from the call he made earlier and glanced at the clock; he had almost two hours until he had to get there. Thankfully, he had had the foresight to make arrangements for a VA bus to come pick him up. 

 

With his breakfast finished, and the tray returned, Kolivan made his way to the bathroom to try to clean himself up a little bit; he hadn’t been able to take a shower since he had left the hospital the day before. Unfortunately, the only thing that he had been able to do was to splash some water on his face and run damp fingers through his hair. 

 

With nothing else to do, Kolivan waited outside on a bench for the bus to come pick him up.

 

***

 

The appointment had been a success. He had been assigned a VA rep and had been able to fill out the required paperwork to begin the process of receiving his disability checks. Unfortunately, the injury to his eye had left him legally blind, which left him with little to no options for available work. His rep had also made a call to the bank and was able to find out that Rolo had completely drained his account out, and that it would take at least a full business week for them to refund a partial amount of funds.

 

Left with no money, and loathe to go back to the shelter, Kolivan found himself roaming the streets hours later. It had started to get dark outside and he had wandered a little too far away from the shelter. As much as it pained his pride to do so, Kolivan settled himself down onto the ground in the shadow of an apartment complex. There were a few others further down the alleyway that he chose, but he steered clear of them and hoped that his size and physical appearance would keep them away from himself; the last thing he wanted to do was to cause any kind of trouble for himself.

 

Unfortunately, one night on the street had quickly turned into a few days. It was almost a week later that he had shifted his spot closer to the front of the building to catch any lingering warmth as the tenants came and went. Many of them shot him dirty looks and steered clear of him; Kolivan couldn’t have been more ashamed of his current situation, but there wasn’t anything that he could do besides wait for his first disability check to come through. 

  
  


***

 

It took almost two weeks from that first night spent in the alley for the cup of coffee to appear on the step in front of him.

 

* * *

 

You could tell quite a bit about people just by watching them. Habits, patterns, even possibly discern things like favorite color or jacket. You could learn who went where, and at what time; match a face to a place, be it an apartment, or an alley. Even those people that made the streets their home, could usually be found in certain places at certain times. To Lance Flores, every face that moved about on his street was at least, recognizable. 

 

Except for one. 

 

This man was new. Lance had first noticed him just a couple of days ago, but it was obvious he had not been on the streets for long. Just the boots alone told Lance that; they were worn but still in good enough shape to have some of the others shuffling in envy. He found himself actually pressing a little closer to the window, to get a better view. Lance’s imagination was caught. Maybe this man had been a bodyguard, assigned to keep important people safe… He liked that idea. He had the same thin blankets that most of those that slept in the streets, seemed to have, but in the short time since Lance had noticed him, he’d never seen the man do anything more than sit there and brood. 

 

He picked up a pad of sketching paper as he watched, fingers fitting against the pencil with ease, and slowly starting to move it across the page. His apartment was on the second floor, right at the corner, so he didn’t really have the best angle, but he included the slightly tattered looking cuffs, the few strands that were falling out of the braid, even the dark spots that were scattered over the clothes, before he shifted back, away from the cool glass and he shivered a bit, looking over his apartment.

 

It wasn’t the fanciest place, but it was everything Lance personally needed. It had an open living room with three windows, that gave him plenty of natural light to draw with. He had his bedroom, with a decent sized closet, and a spare room that he kept a treadmill in for exercise, along with an absurd amount of art supplies. He had a bathroom tucked away between the two rooms, with a nice shower and decent cabinets.

 

His couch was old but comfortable, a hand-me-down from his parents, and he had a wide chair that he sat in most of the time, near the window so he could people watch and sketch. His kitchen was on the smaller side, but Allura was the only visitor he really ever had so it wasn’t like Lance needed anything bigger. In truth, it was a bigger space than Lance really needed but since he never left it, it kept him from feeling too caged in. 

 

He sighed, shaking his head before going back to his study of the man that was sitting stoically below his windows. 

 

It took a week for Lance to actually see the man’s face. During that time, he’s doodled the man as a bodyguard, a businessman and as a knight. Granted, he had also drawn the little old lady that walks her cat across the street as a witch and as a medieval sorceress. 

 

Most would probably consider it silly, to spend their days in a chair near a window making up stories and drawing the people on the streets. But, that was Lance’s life now. He had not physically left his apartment building in seven years. In all honesty, he would prefer to never leave his apartment but one did have to collect the mail, and do laundry in the basement, and for the most part as long as he was inside the walls he was fine. Going outside however… never did end well. 

 

He shook his head, going back to his watching, studying the frown the man had, and the scar that stretched from his forehead down to his cheek, completely down the middle of his right eye. It was possible the man had been in a gang, maybe one of those wild game hunters, he’d read about. Abruptly, he closed his sketchpad, and moved toward his kitchen, it wasn’t as if Lance would ever actually know.

 

***

 

The idea had niggling at the back of Lance’s mind for days now, ever since that sharp dip in temperature four days ago. He’d watched hundreds of people walk past, all with thick coats, or gloves, some with absurd scarfs or hats. What really drew Lance’s attention though was that nearly all of them had some form of steaming drink in their hands, most likely from the coffee shop a street or two over. Lance wasn’t sure exactly where it was, but it was somewhere nearby. 

 

Which started him thinking about the man in front of the building, not that he was really far from Lance’s thoughts lately. He was interesting and Lance actually enjoyed making up stories about him, or sketching him in various costumes. Lance would admit it was probably creepy spending so much time watching people, but movies and books got old after a few thousand watches or read throughs. 

 

When the cold snap hit, the man had drug out a thick army jacket, which had admittedly tossed almost all of Lance’s previous theories out the window. Tie the jacket in with the boots and the stoic way he sat there every day, Lance was now convinced he was in the army, and not that long ago based on the condition of the jacket in comparison to his other clothes. It honestly hit Lance hard. His father had been in the Navy, not any special rank, but it had been something he, and the entire family had been proud of him for. 

 

He knew there were far too many vets living on the streets or in shitty group homes. He knew that despite their hard work, not all of them actually got what they deserved. Which brought Lance right back to the idea that simply would not go away. He knew it was a good idea -  _ hell it was really the only decent thing to do. _ The problem was actually executing the idea. 

 

How could he give the man a simple cup of coffee when just the idea of actually stepping outside his building caused his hands to start twitching and his breath to quicken? 

 

He fought with himself for another three days, suffered through Allura’s standard Monday visit, and all the nagging that came with it, and found himself in his kitchen on Tuesday morning before the sun was even up. He dithered through making a pot of coffee and spent almost fifteen minutes choosing between two different mugs before he finally settled on the largest one he had. It was one of those novelty mugs, a speckled white with the words,  _ ‘Mornings Blow’ _ written on one side with a black image of a whale shooting water out of it’s blowhole. Lance honestly couldn’t even remember where he got it, but it was large, easily holding twice a normal mugs worth and that’s really all he cared about. 

 

He took his time, wrapping his robe a bit tighter around himself before he finally poured the coffee. He set the mug down, took several deep breaths, and picked the mug back up. Slowly, he walked to the door of his apartment and had to stop to take several more calming breaths, aware of the slight tremor in his hands; he could do this. He went into the hall every day to get his mail, sometimes twice if he had laundry to do. Lance could do this. 

 

He managed to make it to the short flight of stairs that led to the ground floor before he had to set the mug down on the floor, and curl his hands into fists.  _ This was fine, normal _ , he did the same every time he went for the mail. He took a few more deep breaths, then leaned against the wall. He couldn’t do this, what the hell had he even been thinking? 

 

He slid down the wall, absently staring at the cup innocently sitting at his side.  _ Okay, maybe if I didn’t go all the way out? _ He curled his arms around himself, trying to stay calm. The last thing he really needed was to have another panic attack in the hallway and for all his neighbors to wake up and stare at him again. He should just… give up the stupid idea. The guy probably didn’t even like coffee anyway. 

 

Lance shifted to get up; to run back into his apartment and put off even getting the mail when a thought hit him like a brick to the head.  _ What would his dad say, seeing his son sitting in the hall like a damned coward? Unable to even go all the way down the stairs that he took every day? _ If he was going to chicken out, he could at least make it all the way to the main door of the building first. 

 

So, he slowly stood and collected the mug again, holding it with both hands because he was absolutely shaking now, and carefully walked down each of the eleven steps, counting each one silently until both his feet were settled on the ground floor. Lance swallowed, hard, then started shifting, moving toward the door that seemed to loom across the entryway. 

 

It probably took him a good ten minutes to reach the door, and he couldn’t help how his breath came faster with each step he took, or the sting when some of the coffee sloshed over the rim due to his hands shaking. He stared at the door, mind racing as his imagination kicked in and he started thinking about everything that could happen if he stepped outside. He could trip and fall down the stairs, breaking his arm or his neck. He could get mugged, lightning could strike him where he stood. 

 

He sucked in a shallow gasp of air that really did little to help. Wait.. maybe he didn’t have to actually go out of the building… He could just… reach his arm out? That would work, right? He's done that before, opened his window and reached out to feel the rain or snow. The door opened inward, and if he stayed inside and just sort of… left the cup as far as he could reach, that would work right? That wasn’t the same as actually  _ going _ all the way outside. Right?

 

Lance carefully opened the door, before dropping to a crouch and peering out at the gray streets. So far so good. He was still inside, he was fine. Nothing could reach him yet, it was just a door, doors were supposed to be opened and closed… He swallowed again, looking at the absurd mug and the tiny bit of steam still coming off the liquid inside. Surely… if the guy outside could fight as a soldier, Lance could just… reach his arm out and leave a cup… Right?

 

He shifted a bit closer to the opening, breaths shallow and fast, and he stuck his arm out as fast as he could reach before setting the mug on the top stair and bolting backward, back hitting the wall on the other side of the entryway. He wrapped his arms around his curled up knees, and just started at the cup that was sitting in the middle of the top step where the first person that came or went would kick it over. 

 

He stayed there for several minutes, just staring at the cup, before he started shifting again, moving much like a crab as he crossed the space to stay just inside the door.  _ Fuck, he was a coward. _ He knew it was mostly in his head. He knew that, but knowing that fact did absolutely nothing to calm the panic he felt or stop the thoughts from racing around his head. 

 

The mug was still sitting where Lance had put it, right in the way. Finally, he reached his arm back out, catching the handle and spilling a bit more coffee on his hand. He pressed himself as close to the door as he could and curled his arm a bit, setting the cup near the corner of the top step, out of the way of anyone walking. Then he jerked his arm back, half-heartedly pushed at the door with far more force than he intended and bolted for the stairs. The slam of the door made him jump and he raced up the stairs, and back into his apartment, before slamming and locking his own door and burying himself back in his own bed to ride out the rest of his panic. 

 

***

 

Kolivan jolted awake; heart-racing, he glanced around. He took a couple deep breaths to steady himself as his gaze fell on a steaming coffee mug. The mug - a large, speckled cup with the words  _ Mornings Blow _ , printed above a picture of a whale - was sitting on the corner of the top step and the ground underneath it was dark, as if some of the coffee had spilled. 

 

Kolivan looked around as he stood; he couldn’t see anyone else outside. He moved next to the steps and hesitated.  _ What if this isn’t meant for me? I don’t want to take it from someone else… But, I’m cold. _ He shivered.  _ So cold… It wouldn’t hurt to just take a quick sip from it to warm myself up. Besides…  _ He looked around again.  _ The street’s completely empty… I’d hate for this to go to waste…  _

 

With his mind made up, Kolivan reached down to scoop the mug up. He brought it up closer to his face to allow the steam to warm his face; the cold and shivering had tensed the muscles in his face, especially under his right eye. It felt good to have that small amount of heat to loosen the muscles again.  He inhaled deeply to savor the smell as his stomach rumbled. 

 

Despite the heat from the liquid, Kolivan drank deeply from the mug. He hadn’t even realized that a little over half of the coffee was already drained. He smiled as he made his way across the small distance to the alcove in the alley where he had slept; he settled back against the wall and slid down until he was sitting. He cradled the mug in his hands - the residual warmth helping to warm his fingers. He smiled as he slowly drained the remaining coffee. 

 

_ Maybe today wouldn’t be such a bad day after all…  _

 

***

 

The first thing Lance did when he finally calmed down - hours later, was to hunt down the name of that coffee shop and call them up. He ended up talking to three different employees before he finally got a manager, a woman who had briskly introduced herself as Zethrid. Lance ended up explaining to her how he couldn’t leave but he really did wish to make a standing order with her shop. For a sleeve of paper cups and lids every two weeks and that he would tip very well if they delivered. Despite her gruff sounding voice, she was oddly receptive and even delivered the cups later that day herself. As promised, Lance tipped her well and thanked her repeatedly.  

 

He was going to make sure the guy outside had coffee every day. Now that his panic had finally subsided, he felt good knowing he had done something nice for the guy. As a plus, nothing bad had happened today and a cup with a lid would keep it warmer longer and ensure it didn’t spill all over him if - or when he started to panic. 

 

Lance managed to leave a cup of coffee on the corner of the top step for a full week, that was until Monday rolled around and Allura showed up extremely early, and insisted on spending most of the day with him to talk about the directions Lance planned to go for his comics. He barely had time to get his own coffee, let alone go through the complicated process of leaving the one for the man outside. He quietly promised to make it up to the guy, on Tuesday. 

 

***

 

Kolivan jerked awake; the street around him was empty. He ran his hand down his face and groaned; he stretched, his back popping as he stood. Vision still blurry from sleep, Kolivan stumbled over to the step to grab the coffee -- only to have his hand grasp on empty air. 

 

“Wha --?”

 

He looked around, in the off-chance that someone else had already grabbed his coffee. Unfortunately, the street was still empty - especially with it being far too early for most people to be out. He rested his hand on the spot where the paper coffee cup usually resided and let his shoulders droop. He had really gotten used to that cup of coffee always being a constant. 

 

Kolivan took a step back and gazed up at the apartment building.  _ Hmm… I wonder which apartment the coffee comes from, and… I hope that nothing’s happened to them.  _ He shook his head as he walked back over to his meager belongings. He folded up the threadbare blanket that he had taken from the homeless shelter and shoved it haphazardly inside of his duffel bag. Satisfied that his few belongings were secured in his duffel bag, Kolivan turned once more and glanced up at the building. With a final sigh, he turned away and began his day of job hunting; he couldn’t and wouldn’t spend the rest of his life sleeping in an alleyway and unemployed.

 

***

 

Once again, Lance found himself staring at the front door of his apartments.

 

He’d managed to make it all the way there with only the usual stop at the stairs to calm himself; it was his best run yet. This however, was going to be a lot harder than the other days. He’d felt so bad the day before, that because of Allura’s visit and his inability to just tell her he needed about twenty minutes to himself, the guy outside had gone without Lance’s usual offering of coffee. So, he’d also made a massive sandwich, with cheese and at least two kinds of meat, even lettuce and tomato on the side. He’d even written a little note apologizing. The problem was, he was not going to be able to just… reach his arm around like he did with the coffee. He was actually going to have to step completely outside in order to set both down so that they were not only out of the way, but so that they were obviously for the man. He wasn’t looking forward to it. 

 

Balancing the paper plate on top of the coffee was easy, but opening the door made his breath speed up and that tight feeling start to grow in his chest. He shuffled close enough that he was still inside, but able to feel the cold wind clearly. He swallowed, took a step back and looked down at his hands. The cup was warm in his left hand, and the weight of the sandwich was doing little to help his shaking hands.  _ Come on Lance, just one step. One step, set it down and you can run back inside.  _

 

He kept the plate on the cup just long enough for him to dig the little note out of his pocket before moving it so he had the cup and note in his left hand and the plate in the other. He took a shaky breath, bit his lip hard enough to taste blood and took a teeny step past the doorway. 

 

Immediately he froze, panic sweeping over him. He couldn’t really hear anything except the sound of the wind in his ears, wasn’t aware of the warmth of the cup or how badly the plate was shaking. All he could think of was everything that could happen to him. 

 

The next thing Lance was aware of, was that he was crouched down, with his back to the wall at the top of the stairs. He was freezing, and he honestly had no idea how long he had been there. 

 

He hastily set the plate on the top step, and put the cup on the step below it, shoving the note underneath it, then he was gone, knocking his hip against the doorway, and his knee on the floor as he again took off for the stairs, practically kicking the door closed in his haste. He tripped twice more on the stairs and barely remembered to close and lock his own door before he was huddled just inside the apartment, hands clenching his hair and tears streaming down his face. 

 

*** 

 

Kolivan woke up to the sound of the lobby door slamming shut. He rubbed his eyes and looked around. His attention was drawn to the top step where there was a plate of food and a cup of coffee on the step below it. He stood and stretched, cracking his back as he straightened. 

 

He picked the coffee up first and took a long sip. The plate was all crinkled on one side; the sandwich looked delicious though. Kolivan’s stomach grumbled in anticipation. He grabbed the plate, only for the light breeze to blow a piece of paper out from underneath it. Quickly, Kolivan reached out to grab the note before it could blow away. 

 

Kolivan brought it closer to his face so he could make out the writing on it.  _ Sorry for missing yesterday…  _ There was also a little doodle of a cat in the corner of the note. Kolivan smiled and looked up hoping to see someone standing by a window but couldn’t see anything; he pocketed the note, and grabbing both the plate and coffee, sat down to enjoy his meal.

 

***

 

The coffee continued to show up everyday during the following week. No matter how early Kolivan tried to wake himself up in the mornings, he had always seemed to  _ just _ miss catching the person who left the coffee for him. It’s after this week, that Kolivan became curious. 

 

The following Sunday, Kolivan decided halfway through the night to move across the street to a bench there. The sun had barely started to rise; he’d almost allowed himself to doze off when he caught sight of the door opening. There wasn’t much detail that Kolivan could see from across the street, but he  _ could _ see an arm shakily reach out and place a coffee cup on the top step; as quickly as the arm was there - it’s gone. As the door swung shut though, Kolivan was able to catch a glimpse of what looked to be a young man crouched on the floor; all Kolivan was able to make out is the man’s warm brown skin and hair.

 

After the door had swung shut, Kolivan grabbed his bag and jogged across the street to grab the cup from the step. He quickly looked up and was able to catch the silhouette of what looked to be the same young man in an apartment on the second floor.

 

Kolivan knew realistically, that the man currently pacing in his apartment isn’t paying attention to him right now, but with a smile on his face, he raised the cup up to the window in a silent thanks for the drink.

 

***

 

Allura had, as usual arrived at Lance’s bright and early, she did this because it was the time of day she always had available and two, for all his faults, Lance made extremely good coffee. She was flipping through this week’s batch of comics, as she left the apartment building and came down the stairs. “Hmm… Didn’t see that coming…”

 

“Excuse me, mam?”

 

Allura’s head snapped up, and she stared at the man standing a short distance away. One eyebrow raised up. “Yes… Can I help you?” She kept her tone cool and professional. 

 

Kolivan cleared his throat. “I… I wanted to ask you about one of the tenants, if I could? Maybe you know him - it’s a young man -- he lives on the second floor --” He pointed up to the window in the corner. “Um… right there, I think. I just -- I think he’s been the person leaving me coffee in the mornings…” He trailed off.  

 

Allura was absolutely prepared to brush the man off until he started speaking. He spoke well, and kept a respectful distance. She relaxed a bit as he talked, eyes following his hand up to Lance’s window. “I do know the man in that apartment, yes. I’m his manager, Allura.” She studied the man a moment more, then shook her head. “But, I don’t think Lance could be the one leaving things for you. Please, I am not trying to be rude, but, he rarely leaves his apartment.”

 

She tucked the comics carefully away in her bag before facing the man fully. “Would you like me to ask him for you?”

 

Kolivan nodded, “yeah, I would. Sorry, for bothering you.” He walked back over to his corner and sat down. Not realizing that that woman - Allura - was still standing there, he pulled the mug that had been left on the first day, out of his bag and rolled it between his hands.

 

Allura watched as the man moved back over to the corner of the building. It was odd, the thought that Lance of all people could be coming outside and leaving coffee for this man. Lance was absolutely the type to do something that kind, but despite her teasing, she doubted Lance would ever be able to go outside again. Allura was considering just calling up to Lance’s to confirm this, when he pulled a familiar looking mug out of his bag, absently toying with it. He wasn’t doing anything suspicious, in fact he wasn’t even looking up at Lance’s apartment, he was just.. Staring into space while playing with the mug. 

 

Allura’s hand froze from where it was just curling around the phone in her bag. That was one of Lance’s mugs, she was certain of that. But how had this man gotten it? There was no possible way that he had stolen it, not with Lance always at home. There was a chance that Lance had thrown it away, but it looked intact from here and he rarely got rid of anything that was still usable.  _ Had Lance given him that mug? But, how could he… Lance never left his building. _ Something else was going on, and Allura turned, heading back up to Lance’s apartment to figure out exactly what it is. 

 

She knocked, and waited impatiently for Lance to open the door, a surprised look on his face before she grinned and casually announced. “We’re going out to lunch.” 

 

The door promptly slammed closed in her face. Still, her grin never faded. Obviously Lance wasn’t going out to meet with this man but there was something going on. 

 

“Oh come now, Lance. I am only teasing. Open the door.” She dropped her voice, more friendly and teasing and after a long moment the door slowly opened again, just enough for her to see Lance scowling at her. 

 

“What is it?” He bit out, his voice strained compared to her light teasing one. The door stayed mostly closed, and Lance’s scowl was firm.

 

“I apologize.” Allura offered. “But, I do wish to ask you something.” 

 

Lance sighed, then motioned her in, immediately shutting the door behind her. “I thought we covered everything, and that really wasn’t funny, Allura.”

 

She folded her hands in front of her. “I am sorry but I was so hopeful that you were finally starting to overcome your… phobia when I saw that man outside with one of your coffee mugs, that I couldn’t help but come back up to see if you would actually accept my offer this time.”

 

Lance blinked, then shook his head. “Allura, you are pretty great. You manage my comics so that they go wherever it is that they go. You helped me get set up here after the accident, you even helped me find therapists, even if they weren’t able to help. You do a lot for me, and I appreciate it, but… I’m not going to get over this. I’ll be like this forever. I love that you want to help, but, please… just stop okay.” He turned and moved over to his favorite chair. 

 

“Yes, I did leave the mug for the guy out there. But, I didn’t go outside. I just… stretched my arm out. Then I had a three hour panic attack afterward.” He raised his head and Allura’s heart broke at the look on his face. “I do it every day, except for Monday. I struggle to open the door, it takes me ten minutes to stick my arm out. I always panic when I get back to the apartment. That isn’t me getting better. That is me doing something decent for once and just… suffering through the consequences.” 

 

Allura tucked her lower lip between her teeth for just a second before she settled on the couch. “But Lance… Why do you continue to do it? I am aware that you dislike the way the attacks make you feel so… Why would you continue to force yourself to do something knowing what the result will be?”

 

“Because… it’s the right thing to do.” 

 

Allura didn’t even have the heart to to ask anymore. She’d never really understood Lance’s phobia, oh she understood some, but not the extreme reactions he seemed to have. So she nodded, then stood. “Very well. Then I shall order lunch for us both. We can make it a part of our Mondays then, and Lance?” She waited until he raised his head again. “I will not ask you to go outside with me again. I promise.” 

 

“Thanks, Allura.” 

 

Their lunch was nice, even if Allura really only talked about his comics and Lance didn’t really say much at all. When Allura left the second time, she again paused at the bottom of the stairs, looking around for the man that Lance had apparently decided was worth pushing himself for. 

 

He was still in the same spot as before, so she took a few steps closer to him and cleared her throat. “Excuse me?”

 

Kolivan looked up, the mug still in his hands. “Oh! Is everything alright? I can move if I’m too close to the door…” 

 

Allura shook her head. “No need. I don’t live here. I asked Lance for you, if he was the one leaving you coffee. He said that he was… But, I have to ask, why do you want to know?”

 

“I, uh - wanted to return this to him.” He held up the coffee mug. “I didn’t want to just leave it on the step in case someone stole it or knocked it over.”

 

Allura could admit, she wasn’t entirely sure what it was Lance saw in this man, aside from his good manners, but he must have seen something so she could at least throw the man some advice. “I see… Well, then if you really do wish to return that… you will have to go inside and speak to Lance that way. Believe me when I say, trying to catch him any other way is almost impossible.” She took a step back then paused one more time, “Good luck, alright?” 

 

“Thanks.” Kolivan smiled as Allura backed up. “Have a nice day, mam.”

 

***

 

_ ‘Now… for the weather… The cold front that moved in last week will be sticking around. It looks like Saturday will be our warm day this week with the temps just reaching 47 _ _ °.  _ _  The winds will be dying down a bit, but we’re looking at a high chance of snow for tomorrow. Time to break out all those winter coats…’ _

 

Lance pushed the remote to turn the TV off, frowning in the direction of his window. Normally Lance loved the first snowfall of the year. He enjoyed sitting in his chair, and watching it drift down past his window, painting the world with a soft white. But, his thoughts were mostly on the man outside, there was no chance of him having anything warmer than his jacket and that wouldn’t do much when wet from the snow. 

 

Lance didn’t even have any coats he could leave for the guy. He’d gotten rid of all of his heavy winter things, once it was obvious that he couldn’t really leave anymore. Plus, the guy looked a lot bigger than Lance was. So even a sweater wouldn’t do much good. Still, Lance didn’t feel right about about leaving him out there with nothing but a jacket and that ragged blanket. Surely, he had  _ something… _

 

An hour later, found him sitting in a pile of clothes, all scattered around his bedroom, and completely frustrated with the fact that none of them would help. He had several sweaters, a couple of soft hoodies, and one jacket that he was still too attached to to donate and not a single one would come close to fitting the guy. He threw a stray sneaker at his closet door, and watched as it hit with a dull thud before landing in a pile of pants. He was too angry to actually put everything away neatly, so he started shoving it all into the closet, eventually just shutting the door and deciding to deal with it all later. Instead, Lance stomped over to the little closet in the hall, and started digging through every blanket he owned. He didn’t have many, preferring to keep his apartment nice and warm, so he would move about as he pleased. Finally at the bottom was a large brown one. It wasn’t fancy, but it was thick and fairly soft, so Lance decided that it would have to do. He didn’t have anything else. 

 

Lance ended up tossing the blanket over the stair rail from the doorway, after leaving the coffee. He wanted to help, but the last time he’d actually stepped outside, he’d panicked enough that he hadn’t really been able to shake it off for the entire day. He had some work to do today, and as much as he wanted to make sure the guy got it, he also had to be able to think clearly today. But he absolutely planned on peeking out of his window later, to make sure the guy got it. 

 

***

 

When Kolivan woke up that morning, it was to find someone standing next to the steps. He didn’t pay him any mind until he looked over again and realized that he was drinking coffee from the same kind of cups that Lance usually left for him.

 

“Hey! What do you think you’re doing?!” He jumped to his feet. “That’s mine!”

 

The guy scoffed. “You snooze, you loose, pal.” He took another sip of the coffee, and moved to grab the blanket that had been thrown over the railing. “Looks like this is mine too…”

 

Kolivan moved towards him, standing to his full height. “That’s. Mine. And you’d leave it alone if you knew any better.” He cracked his knuckles.

 

“O - oh.” The guy backed up; he put the coffee cup back on the step and let go of the hold he had on the blanket. “H - hey man, I don’t want any problems now, ya hear?” 

 

“Then -- leave.”

 

“Fine. Fine.” He turned his back on Kolivan and mumbled something under his breath.

 

“What was that?”

 

The guy jumped and scurried away faster.

 

“That’s what I thought…”

 

Kolivan grabbed the blanket and sat down with it draped across his lap. He was careful not to let any of it fall on the dirty ground.  

 

He held the blanket in his hands; it was soft, and warm. And most importantly - clean. Far too nice for Lance to have left outside for him. He stepped back and looked up towards the apartment that that woman - Allura? - had pointed out as Lance’s. 

 

He walked up the steps and grabbed the door - it didn’t budge. Squinting down at the keypad by the door, he realized that he’d need to be buzzed in. He shook his head -  _ why was nothing ever easy for him? _ He turned and walked back around towards the rest of his things when the door swung open. His head perked up at the sound, and swinging his bag over his shoulder, he made his way towards the door. 

 

The man that had just left the building was dressed in running gear and had headphones in; his back was turned towards Kolivan and he hadn’t seemed to have noticed him yet. A quick peek towards the door let Kolivan see that it was slowly swinging shut. He glanced back towards the man and bolted up the steps to grab the door before it had the chance to fully swing shut. 

 

He heaved a sigh of relief as he shut the door behind him. Blanket still tucked in his arms, Kolivan made his way over to the stairs and walked up until he reached Lance’s floor. Looking around the hallway, he hadn’t realized that he had no clue as to which apartment was Lance’s.  

 

He took a second to orient himself and walked down the hall towards - what he hoped - was Lance’s apartment door. He rearranged the blanket in his arms and knocked on the door.

 

The knock had Lance’s head lifting up to look at his door. He wasn’t expecting any deliveries today, but that didn’t exactly mean anything. The guy that delivered his food orders really just showed up whenever he wanted to. He tucked his pencil into the sketch book, and moved over to the door. He took a moment to wipe his hands on his pants, before he opened the door and came face to chest with someone  _ much _ larger than he was. He blinked, then his head tilted back to actually see the guy from outside, standing in his doorway. 

 

“Oh… Um… Hi?”

 

Well, that was not exactly a great first impression, but Lance kind of just rolled with it. He spent way too much time alone to actually be good at this anymore. But, he did still have manners, so he took a little step back, holding the door open a bit wider “Come in?”

 

Kolivan looked down at Lance and smiled. He cleared his throat and held the blanket out to him. “I believe this is yours?”

 

Confused, Lance shook his head. “No. It used to be, yeah, but I gave it to you… is it too small? Shit, it’s probably too small. I’m sorry, it was the biggest one I had.” 

 

“Uh… no, no. It’s fine. I - uh, wanted to give it back to you. I don’t want it to get dirty from being outside…” 

 

Lance looked from the blanket to the man’s face, and then back to the blanket. “Okay…Um…” He shifted from one foot to the other, feeling a bit nervous standing there with the door open for so long. “Um… okay so, can you just… Come in? I uh… Don’t like the door being open for long… please?”

 

“Oh! Uh, yeah.” He stepped into the apartment and looked around.  _ It was so warm! _ He looked back towards Lance and held out the blanket again. “I just wanted to give this to you - I don’t want to make you uncomfortable…” 

 

Lance closed the door immediately, and flicked the lock out of habit before turning back to face the guy again. “Oh, it’s not you.” One hand came up and waved a bit. “I… well…” Finally he shrugged. “I don’t go outside. So the door being open for a while makes me nervous.” He then shook his head at the blanket. “It’s supposed to snow tomorrow. You should keep it.” 

 

Kolivan watched as Lance shut and locked the door. “Can I at least pay you back for this? I’ve, uh -- I don’t have a lot of money but I can help around with anything you might need? I wouldn’t feel right for accepting something like this…” He trailed off. “You already do more than enough with the coffee…”  

 

Lance bit his lip, considering. He didn’t actually do much at all really, but he did get where the guy was coming from. “Okay… I’ve got an idea. If this is too out there, just tell me so.” He smiled, a bit small and a little shy. “How about… keeping me company for a bit, in exchange for the blanket? I mean.. I don’t really do much, and only Allura really comes to see me… so…”

 

Kolivan blanched.  _ He wanted to… spend time with him? _ “I --” He cleared his throat. “You would want to spend time with… me?” Kolivan gestured to himself. “It’s not too much, just -- I don’t know how good of company that I’d be.”

 

Lance smiled, moving toward the kitchen. “Yeah, why wouldn’t I? I mean.. I’ve seen you a lot from my window, and that’s probably creepy, but…” He cleared his throat. “Coffee?”

 

He shifted, “No…” Kolivan ducked his head. “The only ‘creepy’ part is that I’ve been sleeping outside your building.” He looked sheepish at the offer of coffee. “I, uh - wouldn’t want to impose anymore than I already have.”  

 

Lance tilted his head. “Is it really creepy if all you do is sleep? I… I mean… It’s not like you wander around or… Harass people. Everyone has to sleep… I… I mean…” He shook his head. “I, um… Always have coffee ready.” He paused, then dropped his eyes. “I can give it to you in a paper cup, or… I can, um… refill the mug I gave you…”

 

“Oh!” Kolivan reached into his duffel bag and pulled out the mug Lance had given him; he held it out to him. “You can have this back too, if you need it! I had actually meant to give it back, but…” He looked down at it, “I should probably wash it for you first though. I haven’t really had access to a sink for a while, so it’s a little, uh… a little dirty.”

 

Lance took the mug, and moved over to the sink, cleaning it quickly before filling it back up with coffee and holding it out to Kolivan. “It’s your mug. I can’t really do much, but everyone needs a mug of their own. I mean… if you don’t like it… I probably have a plain one or something….”

 

“No! No, I really like it; it’s just… like I said a second ago, I can’t really afford something like this.” He grabbed the mug and held close to his nose; he took a sip before lowering the mug again. “As soon as I’m able to find work, then I can properly repay you for this, and the blanket.”

 

Lance came out with his own mug, a weird shaped thing with what looked like a blue cat on it. “You’re already paying for the blanket, I thought? You know… by staying and talking with me? Shit… you probably have other things to do…” Then he was off, babbling a bit as he moved the mug to a table. “I was just… excited at the thought of some company and I was hoping to get the chance to ask your name without sounding like a creepy bastard and I didn’t even think that you might have things to do….” He froze, then clapped a hand over his face “Fuck, I’m an idiot.”

 

Kolivan chuckled as he watched Lance talk to himself. “At this point, I don’t really have much to do anymore… and my name’s Kolivan.” He held out his hand for Lance to shake. “And you’re Lance, right? Great,” his hand faltered. “Now I seem like the creepy bastard,” he mumbled. 

 

Lance slowly dropped his hand, and shook his head. “No… you seem… really nice.” He caught Kolivan’s hand, shaking it a couple of times, shy smile on his face. “Yeah… I’m Lance. Nice to finally meet you, Kolivan.” 

 

“Nice to meet you too, Lance.” Kolivan smiled. “Okay, so… you said about me spending time with you. Is there anything else you might need for me to do? I wouldn’t want to be an imposition.”

 

Lance blinked. “Oh… um… Well… I don’t really do much but people watch and draw… Allura was just here a couple of days go… So, um… I guess not… and I don’t wanna make you feel like… You have to stay or anything…” He fiddled with his hands before snatching up his mug. 

 

Kolivan smiled. “I’d love to stay… as long as you want me to, that is.”

 

“Oh… yeah? Okay. Um…” He took a hasty drink then just blurted it out. “You can visit anytime, then… like I said… only Allura comes by, and it’s on Mondays… that’s why I never manage to get your coffee out that day… and I’m always home…” 

 

He readjusted the strap of his duffel bag. “I’d like that… I haven’t, uh… had many people to talk to past few weeks, so it’ll be nice to finally have a conversation with someone.” He looked down at himself. “I do want to apologize for my appearance though…” 

 

Lance tilted his head a bit, then shook it several times. “Well… I don’t think you can help being as big as you are… But… it’s not like you are scary or anything… Oh! I’m sorry, here, you can sit, just let me grab these papers.” He darted over to the couch, scooping up a couple of loose sketches before dumping them on his drawing table. 

 

Kolivan sat down as Lance cleaned off the couch. “Um, no… I was actually talking about my appearance, um… my cleanliness. Not, uh… my size…” 

 

Lance paused then turned around with a shrug. “Oh… well, it’s okay. It doesn’t… like… bother me or anything. I mean, so you are having a rough patch, that’s not your fault.” He curled up on the other end of the couch. “Besides, it’s nice to just… talk to someone.”

 

Kolivan fidgeted with his hands. “Yeah, I - I just need to get myself back on my feet. It’s been a rough few weeks, but it’ll get better. As soon as I hear back from my VA rep…” He trailed off. 

 

Lance frowned. “Yeah, that can take a while. My dad’s was always overloaded with people and sometimes it took months for him to get in or get something he needed.” He shook his head. “I’m sorry… We can talk about something else, if you want?” 

 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to make this depressing.” Kolivan shifted. “You’ve got your own things to deal with - I’m sure. I don’t need to dump my problems onto you…” He looked down at his hands. 

 

Lance was quiet for a long moment before he eyes lit up. “Oh! Hey! So I did actually think of something you could do to help, if you really wanted to? I mean, it isn’t anything huge but I’d appreciate it a lot.” His smile this time was wider, a little more cheerful. 

 

“Of course!” Kolivan perked up. “Whatever you need, I’d be more than happy to help.”

 

Lance fidgeted for a minute. “See, Allura usually does it for me, but she was all preoccupied over what the next series would be and she forgot and I’d kinda… rather not leave it until next Monday… but… I feel really dumb asking you…”

 

“Hey, there’s no need to feel dumb asking me. I offered to help - I wouldn’t have offered if I hadn’t meant it.”

 

Now, Lance was the one twisting his hands together and looking anywhere but at Kolivan. “Um.. well.. I don’t mean like.. Right this second or anything… but um… maybe…” He bit his lip, then took a breath and blurted the request out really quickly. 

 

“Would-you-mind-taking-a-bag-out-to-the-dumpster-please?”

 

“That’s all?” Kolivan chuckled and waved a hand dismissively. “That’s nothing; Yeah, of course.”

 

Lance blew out a breath. “Thanks…. Oh! I know! In exchange, I can wash your jacket tomorrow when I do my own laundry, how does that sound?”

 

“Oh! Uh, y - yeah. If you wouldn’t mind? It would be nice to have it clean again… but, you’ve already done so much for me. It’s really not necessary…” 

 

Lance shook his head. “I wouldn’t have offered if I didn’t want to. I mean… you’d have to come and visit again… it’s too cold outside without a jacket, or so I hear. Besides, I haven't done anything really. Like I said… everyone needs a mug… and I always have the coffee….”

 

“Thank you… seriously. You keep saying that you haven’t done much but… what you’ve done has made a big difference to me. You’re probably the only person that’s treated me like a normal person since I’ve got back… I honestly can’t thank you enough.” 

 

Lance shook his head. “Well… if you say so…” He paused then held out his hand. “Finish that up, and I’ll get you some more, yeah?” 

 

Kolivan nodded, and looked down at his watch. “Oh --” his face fell. “I actually have an appointment with my VA rep soon. It’s a pretty long walk to the office… I should probably get going if I don’t want to miss it…”

 

“Oh…” Lance bit his lip, but stood, moving over to the kitchen, and came back out with one of the paper cups. “Here then, at least take this with you? I don’t want you to be late, but… um…  Come back anytime okay… Kolivan?”

 

Kolivan stood from the couch, smiling he took the offered cup from Lance. “I’d love too, and thank you… It was really nice meeting you, Lance.”

 

“Yeah… It was… Good luck, with the appointment. Oh, right!” He gabbed a bit of paper and scribbled down his apartment number, before handing it over to Kolivan. “Here, then I can let you in.” He smiled, again small and shy. 

 

Kolivan smiled as he pocketed the small slip of paper. He grabbed his duffel bag, placing his mug inside, and made his way to the door. “I’ll see you tomorrow, then?”

 

Lance followed behind, before flipping the lock and opening the door. “Yeah, I’m always here. See you tomorrow.” 

 

***

 

Kolivan shifted; the temperature had dropped and it had started to snow about an hour ago. His jacket was already soaked through. He pulled the blanket from his duffel bag and draped it across his legs; he had propped himself up against the building - next to what he had assumed the vent for the laundry room. When the tenants did their laundry, the heat and steam would pour out from the vent in the wall - but, it was too late in the night for anyone to be awake enough to finish any laundry.

 

He shivered under his blanket. The winds had died down somewhat, but in their wake, had left behind a chill that made his bones ache. Kolivan shifted again in the hopes of finding a dry spot to rest in. He was fruitless in his attempt and cursed himself for being too prideful to go back to the homeless shelter.  _ Sure, _ he thought to himself _. The shelter hadn’t been the best - what with the people who worked there and the people who frequented it, but it had been warm and dry…  _ Nothing he could do about it now. There was no way in hell that he was going to make that long walk back to the shelter now, especially with the ‘other’ people more than likely roaming around now. He shook his head, mad at himself for thinking that way; he had no idea what any of those people were dealing with - be it drugs, mental illness or any other possibility - he had no right to judge others because he was in the same boat as them.

 

Kolivan let himself get lost in his thoughts as he watched the snow swirl around him. The snow had picked up slightly in the past few minutes and his blanket had started to get a light covering of snow on it - the flakes sticking to, and melting into the fabric. He gave up on the notion of sleep as he once again shifted; teeth chattering in the cold, he leaned his head back against the side of the building and sighed.

 

There was an odd scraping sound, immediately followed by a sharp curse. For a moment, silence settled before a hand reached out of the window, palm up. It stayed out for a moment, before it went back inside, but the window stayed open, the hand eventually reappearing. 

 

Kolivan had almost drifted into a light sleep when he heard someone curse. Back straightening, he whipped his head around hoping to catch what made the noise. After a few minutes he looked around and couldn’t see anything so he let himself fall back against the wall. He rested his head against the bricks and raised his eyes up - only to see a hand sticking out of the window two floors above him. Kolivan coughed lightly, hoping to catch the person’s attention without scaring them.

 

The hand vanished, and there was a long moment before a confused “Huh?” The hand reappeared, moving back and forth before Lance’s voice echoed a bit. “Hello?”

 

Kolivan leaned off of the wall as he looked up.  _ That voice sounded familiar…  _ He squinted against the snow falling in his eyes. “Lance?”

 

The hand vanished again. “Yes? Wait… Kolivan?” There was another squeaking sound, as the window opened a bit more, but other than the hand, Lance couldn’t be seen.

 

Kolivan pushed himself up - still holding onto the blanket, he walked a few feet away from the building in order to look up. “Yeah, uh… sorry if I woke you up moving around down here…” 

 

Lance waved once he could see Kolivan from his place next to the window. “Not at all, I’m always up this early.” His brow furrowed for a minute before a smile appeared on his face. “Hey, since we’re both awake, why don’t you come up, and we’ll have our coffee together? Or… I can…” He shifted, smile fading. “Bring it to the… door?”

 

“I’d like that,” he smiled. “ But… are - are you sure? Lance, it’s early, I wouldn’t want to impose.” Kolivan shifted, the snow under his boots crunching.

 

“Man, you can’t impose if you’re invited. I mean…” He shifted, hand again reach out to absently play with the snow. “Yes, I’m sure. It’ll be warmer if you just come up here. I can buzz you in?”

 

“If you’re sure… Let me just grab my stuff and I’ll be right there.” Kolivan folded his blanket and placed it on top of his duffel bag; he threw it over his shoulder and walked around the building to the front steps. It only took a few seconds for Lance to buzz him up. He took a minute to just soak up the warmth of the hallway before he made his way up the steps to Lance’s apartment.

 

Lance was hovering, inside the doorway, with the door open just enough for him to peek out, before he opened it wider so that Kolivan could enter. “Good morning?”

 

Kolivan cleared his throat. “Good morning.” He stepped through the doorway as Lance motioned for him to enter. He stood awkwardly as he waited for Lance to finish locking the door.

 

Lance flicked the lock and turned with a small smile. “Right…. so… coffee? I just realized that… I have no idea how you even take your coffee…” He let his left hand rub across his forehead a bit before running through his hair, while the other toyed with the end of his sweater. “I… um…  Like milk in mine…”

 

“Oh, uh. Black coffee’s fine. Um…” Kolivan looked around nervously. “Would I be able to use your bathroom to wash my hands first? I wouldn’t want to get anything on your mugs…” 

 

Lance blinked. “Oh… Oh! Of course! I’m so sorry! You probably want to dry off some too, huh? Of course! It’s just… down the hall, the middle door on the left, and there are towels in the little cabinet behind the door.” Lance paused, then offered a small smile. “I’ll go… Get the coffee…”

 

Kolivan smiled as Lance rambled. “I’ll, uh… just be a minute.” He put his bag down on the floor and turned to find the bathroom. Closing the door behind him, Kolivan quickly washed his hands and splashed some warm water on his face; he dried his hands with a towel from the cabinet and squeezed out as much water from his jacket as possible. He also ran his fingers through his tangled hair and redid the small braid as best as he could. Satisfied, Kolivan shut the water off and went back out in the hallway to find Lance. 

 

Lance was absently staring at the inside of one of the cabinets, half a piece of toast sticking out of his mouth as he rummaged around. The same ugly mug from before was sitting on the counter in front of him, while a basic white mug was sitting on the table along with two pieces of toast on the little plate next to it. 

 

“Noodles…. Noodles…” He paused long enough to shove the rest of his toast in his mouth before continuing his search. 

 

Kolivan cleared his throat as he walked into the room. “Sorry, it took me so long.” He rubbed his hand against the back of his neck, “I can wash that towel I used, if you want?”

 

Lance ducked just a bit, peering from under the counter. “It’s fine. I’m doing laundry later anyway. I haven’t forgotten that I promised to wash your jacket, too. I just want to find the noodles I swear I ordered, or I have to call out for more…” He smiled, small and shy. “Please, Kolivan. It’s really okay.” He motioned to the coffee and toast. “That’s for you.” 

 

“T - thank you.” Kolivan walked over to the counter and picked up the coffee; he had to remind himself to only take small sips so it would last longer - it was just as good as last time. Taking one more sip, he leaned over to take a bite of the toast. It was only toast, but it felt good on his stomach; he couldn’t remember the last time that he had eaten something.  _ Surely it hadn’t been that long? A day or two at the most… Oh, right.  _ He thought to himself,  _ I had some soup the other day at the soup kitchen.  _

 

Kolivan finished his toast, and turned to face Lance. He had the half-filled coffee mug in his hands. “Thanks, Lance.” He smiled and ducked his head.

 

“Hmm?” Lance closed the cabinet with a frown but it faded quickly. “Oh, it’s nothing. I’m sorry I can’t offer you anything else. The guy that delivers my groceries is late this week.” He collected his own mug, and topped it off before holding up the coffee pot and tilting his head. “Did you need some more?” 

 

“I shouldn’t; I’d hate to take away from you if you need it…” 

 

Lance laughed, the sound a little awkward. “Well, I drink it a lot, but I always order plenty. Besides, you’re going to stay while I wash your jacket right? May as well be comfortable while you do….” He paused, setting his own mug down. “Oh… um… Do you have to go somewhere? Here I am talking your ear off and you’re probably busy…” He straightened, then nodded. “I’ll go get it started then…”

 

Kolivan shook his head, “No, I don’t have anywhere to go… but you’ve gotta be busy? I’d hate to be interrupting your day. I can… always go to the shelter for a bit…” 

 

“Listen… um…” Lance shifted a bit. “I’m really not. All I have to do today is laundry. I finished my work already and Allura won’t be here to pick it up until Monday… but… if you’re uncomfortable, I get it. It’s… fine.” 

 

“No, no. I’m not uncomfortable - not at all. I just -- worry that you would feel uncomfortable having me here. And I - I wouldn’t want that.” Kolivan mumbled as he took another sip of his coffee.

 

Lance’s brow furrowed and he looked very confused. He shook his head then shook it again. “Okay… I admit it, I’m lost?” He setted into the couch, looking over at Kolivan. “Why would that make me uncomfortable?”

 

Kolivan was at a loss. “Lance -- just look at me. I’m living on the streets for God’s sake. I’m sure your neighbors have complained about me being near the building already - and they’re definitely going to complain once they realize that you keep inviting me in. I’m not the most friendly looking guy to begin with, and this --” he pointed at the scar that ran down his face. “And this definitely doesn’t help my cause. I just -- I don’t understand how you can be so nice and caring, especially to me…” He trailed off, not willing to look Lance in the eye. 

 

Lance slowly nodded. “Okay… I can see your point, but… if my neighbors haven’t complained about my panic attacks, I don’t think they’re going to worry about you. Besides, I couldn’t live on the streets like you do. I can’t even take my trash to the dumpster. You’re a lot braver than I am…” He shrugged. “I’m nice to you because I want to be?” He stood, and moved over to his drawing desk and dug around for a bit, before turning and presenting Kolivan with a piece of paper. “I thought the scar looked cool, see? I-I didn’t mean to upset you… I’m sorry.” 

 

“You didn’t -- it’s fine. I’m sorry for all of that.” Kolivan looked down at the paper that Lance had just given him. It was  _ him _ ; Lance had drawn him dressed in a suit with a wide brim hat and holding a gun. He couldn’t deny that Lance was an amazing artist. “Lance -- what? What is this? This is… Is this how you picture me?” He shook his head, a smile on his face. “Trust me, I’m not as badass as you’ve made me out to be.”

 

Lance shrugged, shifting from one foot to the other. “I… people watch. I see people from the window and make up my own stories for them. That was one of the ones I did for you.” He shrugged again. “It’s just a quick sketch, the knight one was better…” He cleared his throat, then shifted again. “I guess what I mean is… it doesn’t make me uncomfortable having you visit. It’s nice… having company… But, it makes you uncomfortable so… I’ll stop…”

 

“No… it doesn’t make me uncomfortable at all. I just -- it’s been awhile since I’ve really had anyone treat me like a person; let alone want to get to know me and willingly spend their time with me…” He held the picture closer to his chest. “I -- thank you.” 

 

“Did, um… Did you maybe want to see the others? I… don’t mind… And well… It would give you something to look at while I start that laundry?” His smile was still small and still shy, but a little wider than it had been. 

 

Kolivan nodded. “Yeah, I’d love to see the others.” He smiled at Lance as he shifted. “I could… help you with the laundry? If you’d like?”

 

“Actually… I know I asked you this yesterday, but… would you mind taking something out to the dumpster for me? I can start the clothes while you do that… then, I could show you the other pictures? But, if not that’s fine, you really don’t have to do anything to help.” Lance paused, “well, except let me have your jacket.”

 

“Of course,” Kolivan nodded. He shrugged out of his jacket and handed it to Lance. “Let me grab that trash for you real quick, and I’ll be right back.”

 

Lance draped the jacket over his arm, and smiled brightly. “I really appreciate it. I think there’s a brick or something that people use to prop the door open… But I’m not really sure… It will probably take me a bit longer than you so just… make yourself comfortable, okay?” He headed toward his room, and reappeared with a basket full of clothes. “Thanks, Kolivan… I mean it.” 

 

“It’s no problem.” He grabbed the trash bag from the kitchen and walked out into the hallway with it. He found the brick that Lance had told him about behind the bottom step. Propping open the door, Kolivan threw the bag into the dumpster and made his way back inside. He stood in the hall outside Lance’s apartment and stomped the snow off the bottom of his boots and went back inside. Lance wasn’t back yet, so he sat on the sofa and grabbed the picture that he had drawn of him. He still couldn’t believe that this was how Lance viewed him… 

 

Lance had his usual pause at the top of the stairs, and couldn’t help the way his breath hitched when he heard the door to the alley close. Getting the clothes in the machine took almost no time at all but Lance… needed a minute. He didn’t really understand why Kolivan was so surprised that Lance was nice to him. Did he expect that everyone would be mean to him? Lance could.. Kind of understand that. It was honestly why he was so reluctant to just come out and admit his.. completely irrational and very very real fear of going outside. Even Allura, constantly told him how good it would be for him to go out. Maybe… Kolivan would do the same? Lance had even had a therapist once, who had insisted that the only way for him to get over it was to actually force him to go outside. He.. really didn’t want that to happen now.. He liked Kolivan. He was nice and so kind of offer his help all the time… Lance just… kind of wanted to have a friend.

 

Lance went back to his apartment, and as usual, shut and locked the door before offering Kolivan a shy smile. “Thanks again for taking that out for me. Let me dump this in my room and I’ll get those other pictures, alright?” 

 

Kolivan looked up from the picture he held in his hand, and smiled. “I’d like that - only if you want to though. I don’t want you to feel like you have to.”

 

Lance waved a hand as he vanished into his bedroom before he reappeared and collected his mug as he crossed the room. “I don’t mind. Just don’t expect anything amazing, okay? They’re just doodles.”  He dug around a bit, snagging a paper from one book and three off the drawing table before he paused, then turned and scooped up a notebook that was sitting on the chair by the window. “Okay, I think that’s all of them.”

 

Lance handed a stack of six papers over, before settling down on the couch. He sipped at his coffee then made a face, and stood back up, taking Kolivan’s mug with him to refill them both. 

 

Kolivan slowly flipped through the drawings - if he had been surprised at the first sketch that Lance had shown him, then he was absolutely floored by these. They each got better and better as he flipped through them. The first was of him as a knight - Lance had drawn him in detailed armor with a sword; the second was of him in a business suit - it was a ‘busy’ looking picture, he had been drawn in a fancy suit, talking on the phone with briefcase in hand. The third picture was of him as a bodyguard - he looked stern with his arms crossed and a visible earpiece. 

 

When he got to the fourth picture, he gasped. The drawing was of him in his army uniform; it almost looked like he was looking at a photograph. He had the same reaction for the fifth drawing; Lance had drawn him in his uniform with a gun raised. It was eerie how many details that Lance had been able to accurately portray. The final picture was the simplest by far, but also the most striking. It captured Kolivan as he was currently - stoically sitting on the corner.

 

He cleared his throat around the lump that had formed. “Lance -- These - these are absolutely amazing. I - I don’t even have the words for these. I just -- I can’t believe that this is how you see me…” He turned towards Lance as he accepted the refilled coffee mug from him. “Thank you…”  

 

“Yeah? I think the knight one came out the best.” He sipped at his own drink, studying the pictures upside down. “But… and please don’t take this wrong but, I guess I don’t understand why you’re surprised? I mean you haven’t exactly done anything to make me think badly of you… You just kind of… do your own thing.” He shrugged before settling down on the couch again. 

 

Kolivan shook his head and chuckled. “Lance -- I guess, I just need to get used to the way that you see me.” He straightened out the pages and handed them back to Lance. “You’re an amazing artist -- thank you for taking the time to show these to me.”

 

Lance laughed before setting the papers on a little end table. “Well, I’m glad you think so. I draw comic stripes for a living, so artistic talent is helpful there.” He shook his head. “But I’ll have to make you a real drawing at some point. Actually take my time with it. Maybe.. I’ll make you a big furry purple alien.” He grinned before leaning back a bit into the couch. 

 

He laughed. “Now, that would be something to see.” Kolivan looked around. “Is there anything you’d like me to do for you again?” 

 

Lance shook his head. “Not that I can think of. I mean I have to go switch the clothes in a bit, but, that’s really it. You know… you don’t have to help me out. I appreciate it, but I don’t want you to think you have to.”

 

“I know I don’t  _ have _ to help, but I want to.” He turned towards Lance. “Actually… I wanted to ask you something, but you don’t have to answer if you don’t want too…” 

 

Head tilting at the slightly more somber tone, Lance shrugged. “I don’t mind. I mean, I’m not really all that interesting but sure, fire away.” 

 

“None of that - you’re plenty interesting.” He fidgeted on the couch a little before he continued. “I just -- I’ve noticed that you really make it a point not to leave the building… I don’t want to pry, not at all - but…” He trailed off as he twisted his fingers together.

 

Lance froze at the observation, before he looked up with wide wary eyes. “Oh… yeah…  Actually… um.” He set the mug down and stood up, rolling a pencil around in his hands. “I actually… have only left it once in almost eight years…”

 

He swallowed then kept going, shoulders hunched a bit as he moved around. “To be honest, I’m the exact opposite of you. I can’t leave. I panic. Freak right out and then spend the rest of the day tucked in a ball somewhere.” He paused then shook his head. “I’m um… agoraphobic.”

 

“Agoraphobic?” Kolivan shook his head. “I’m sorry, but… I’m not completely sure what that is?” 

 

Lance paused, looked at Kolivan then nodded. “Okay… Technically, it means a fear of places with no easy escape. It varies from person to person, but basically, I have a panic attack if I go outside. I tend to… freak out a bit at the thought of it…” He took a breath. “Kinda stupid huh?”

 

“Not stupid at all. I just wish that there was something I could do to ease your anxiety.”

 

Lance shook his head. “Nah, it’s fine. I get by. No big deal right?” He smiled but it was small. “Besides, I can at least walk to the front door now without breaking down in the hallway so there’s that.” 

 

Kolivan sipped at his coffee; he lowered the cup and looked at Lance. “Wait… how were you able to leave the coffee outside for me then?”

 

One hand came up and rubbed the back of his head. “Oh… well… that…” Lance shook his head a little. “I just… Sort of stuck my arm out…” He rubbed at his arms, then his shoulders dropped. “But, yeah… I um…  Generally just…” He motioned to the chair. “Stay here…”

 

“That was really brave of you - to force yourself to do something that makes you anxious. Thank you for doing that for me.” Kolivan smiled at him. “You’re a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for.”

 

Lance’s mouth dropped open. “ _ What _ ? No, that’s not brave. It was just… common courtesy. You’re the brave one! You actually live out there! You went out and fought God knows what, came back and are still strong. I just… Wanted to do something nice was all.”

 

“Lance -- that’s very brave.” He leaned over to pat Lance’s hand. “Yeah, I fought my battles outside, and it sounds like you fought your own out there as well.” He shook his head. “Trust me, I haven’t come back half as strong as I used to be.” Kolivan pointed to his eye. “Just because my injuries are visible, doesn’t make yours any less valid.”

 

Lance’s hands twitched several times, before he shoved them into his pockets, pencil sticking out awkwardly. “Uh… maybe… but… it’s kind of hard to see it that way…” Lance’s eyes drifted over to his chair, over the window, past the desk before landing on Kolivan again. “I… guess we both need to… get used to how the other sees us… huh?” He chuckled nervously. 

 

Kolivan smiled. “Yeah, it really seems like it.”

 

Lance shifted again, and then sighed. “I should… um… go put the clothes… in the dryer…  yeah?” He was mumbling a bit near the end.

 

Kolivan stood, “No, it’s fine - I’ll get them for you. I’ll be back in ten minutes, tops.”

 

Lance’s head snapped up. “Are you -- okay… um…” He dug around in one of his pockets and pulled out a handful of change, holding it out. “Thanks…”

 

He extended his hand so Lance could drop the change into his palm. “I’ll be right back.” He walked over to the door and unlocked it. The door slowly slid shut behind him. 

 

Barely five minutes later, Kolivan found himself putting the clothes into the dryer. With that done, he left the laundry room, and took the stairs back up into Lance’s room. 

 

Lance was sitting at the little table, a frown on his face and his head resting on his palm. He wasn’t shaking anymore but he didn’t exactly look terribly happy, that was until his eyes drifted up and he noticed Kolivan was back. Then he blinked, twice before an honest to god grin grew on his face. “Kolivan!”

 

“Hey.” He took in how Lance was sitting at the table. “Are you alright?” 

 

Lance wiggled his free hand back and forth. “Well, I wasn’t but… Honestly, I just had the best idea. I think… It might be able to help us both out too.” He straightened, right hand laying flat on the table, while the left one danced around a bit. “What would you say… if I offered you a job?”

 

“A - a job? I mean --” He gestured to his eye again. “Technically, I’m legally blind in my right eye so there’s not much I can do with your line of work… not to mention that I’m not an artist…” 

 

Lance immediately shook his head several times. “You’re kinda awesome, Kolivan, but I have that part down. No, I was thinking of you doing something else. Okay, so you know now, that I don’t leave.” He waited just long enough for the cautious nod before barrelling onward. “So, the place I order my groceries from, the delivery guy just quit and they now want to charge double for delivery. So, instead of that, since they never show up on time anyway… I’d like to hire you to shop for me… If… that’s okay?” His smile slowly dropped, the nervous look from earlier appearing on his face. 

 

“Lance -- that’s something I would do for you for free. I’d feel like I was taking advantage of you for letting you pay me for something like that…”  

 

“No.” Lance’s tone was firm even if his expression hadn’t changed. “I paid the guy that used to deliver to me. I pay the big buff gal from the coffee shop when she brings me the coffee cups. I will absolutely pay you too, especially if you’re willing to actually go and get what I need on the same day every so often. I’d feel like I was taking advantage of _ you _ , if I didn’t pay you. It’s not much of a job, but it’s… all I can offer.” 

 

Kolivan hesitated. “I - If you’re sure?”

 

Lance immediately nodded. “I am. I - I trust you. You’re a good guy, Kolivan. I could tell before I actually met you. So.. Yeah, I am.”  He raised his head just enough to peek up. “But… only if  _ you _ want to. If not… I’ll just… pay the new fees…” 

 

Kolivan smiled, “I’d love to - it’s the least I can do after all you’ve already done for me.”

 

Lance relaxed, shoulders dropping. “Thank you…” He held out a hand. “It’s a deal then?”

 

He grabbed Lance’s hand. “Yeah, it’s a deal.”

 

***

 

Lance felt good as he settled down in his chair that evening, eyes watching the light snow as it drifted down. Kolivan was supposed to come back the next day so Lance could give him a list of things he needed. Lance had a list and money already tucked into an envelope. But he wanted to do something else for Kolivan. Kolivan, the guy that said Lance was strong. The man that fought, was hurt, came back to nothing, but still kept going... He thought Lance was strong.

 

Abruptly, Lance brought his legs up to curl around himself, hiding his face in his knees. He wasn’t strong, he knew that. He wasn’t brave either. He was just, a guy that let his fears run his life. But, he wanted to be strong, like Kolivan thought he was. 

 

_ Oh shit. _ Lance knew the odd twisty feeling that was growing in his gut. He had felt the same way before… when Allura first started showing up, actually talking to him and seeming to give a shit about him. He’d never said anything about it, because she was and still is a successful woman who didn’t need someone like Lance dumping his feelings all over the place. Kolivan probably didn’t need that either. Not when he was working so hard to get his life back in order. 

 

_ Fuck… I really am kind of pathetic… _

 

***

 

Kolivan rung the buzzer for Lance’s apartment at around nine in the morning. Lance hadn’t said what time to come up, but the coffee cup had been on the step already, so Kolivan hoped it wasn’t too early.

 

It took only a few seconds for Lance to buzz Kolivan in, before he moved to the door to wait to let him in. He was slightly nervous about the new arrangement, but, he’d meant what he said the day before. He trusted that Kolivan wouldn’t just flake out on him. 

 

Standing in front of Lance’s door, Kolivan took a deep breath before he knocked. He stepped back as Lance opened the door. “Hey, good morning…” 

 

“Good morning!” Lance smiled before stepping back to let Kolivan in. “I really can’t thank you enough for this.” He closed the door after Kolivan came in and flicked the lock. “I promise it’s not a lot or anything.” 

 

“It’s fine, I don’t mind. Do you have a list of what you need me to get? I don’t want to end up grabbing the wrong things.”

 

Lance snagged the envelope off the counter and passed it over carefully. “Yeah, I have a list of everything and I wrote it as big as possible so you don’t have to strain to look at it. Money and all is right there for you. The store isn’t far… I looked it up last night. It’s like… three blocks south or something but if that’s too far…”

 

Kolivan shook his head. “That’s not far at all.” He looked down at the list, “and thank you… that was very kind of you to write it bigger for me.” Kolivan smiled. “I won’t be too long, I’ll try to get this done as quick as possible for you, okay?”

 

“No rush. I’m not going anywhere…” He smiled a bit and motioned to his drawing table. “I’ve got work to do anyway. Just… be careful…” Lance shifted a bit. “Especially with the cars.” 

 

“Of course,” Kolivan smiled as he pocketed the list and Lance’s money. He turned towards the door, “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

 

Lance smiled, and locked the door behind him, and even went to the widow to wave one more time, before shaking his own head at himself and settling down to get some work done. 

 

***

 

The list that Lance had given him was tucked into his pocket as he made the short walk down to the grocery store. 

 

The store was in a nicer part of the neighborhood; it wasn’t long before Kolivan started to realize how people seemed to avoid him. He had almost been able to forget about the scar on his face when he was with Lance. Lance made him feel normal again - not just some homeless man. He shook his head -- now was not the time to think about that; it could wait until another time - now, he had a job to do. 

 

Keeping his head down to avoid the stares and dirty looks, Kolivan quickly went through the grocery store and grabbed everything on Lance’s list. He sighed once again at the dirty look he received from the cashier, but pulled out the envelope to pay for his groceries. Satisfied, and with bags in hand, Kolivan made the walk back to Lance’s apartment - happy that he had been able to do this for Lance.

 

***

 

When Kolivan walked up the steps to Lance’s building, someone was coming out - he held the door for Kolivan so he wouldn’t have to put the groceries on the ground. Kolivan smiled, and thanked the man as he passed. 

 

Walking up the steps, Kolivan paused at Lance’s door and knocked on it with his elbow. “Lance?”

 

It took a moment before the door was swinging open, Lance holding it out of the way. “Hey, welcome back!” He had a smudge of lead on one cheek and several of his fingers were dark with the stuff. “Just -- dump it on the counter, and I’ll get it all put away. I made you lunch, so you can eat while I do that then I’ll pay you. Just let me wash this mess off.” He held up his hands as he moved toward the bathroom. 

 

Kolivan paused in putting the groceries on the counter. “You made me lunch? Lance -- you didn’t have to do that. I could’ve gone to the soup kitchen a couple blocks over…” 

 

“Of course I did.” He called from the bathroom. “You walked all that way, the least I can do is make sure you had something to eat after.” There was a banging sound, as Lance came out of the hall, wiping his hands on an obviously stained towel, before tossing it over his shoulder. “Besides, it really isn’t much, just a sandwich.” 

 

Kolivan looked conflicted as he sat down. “But still… you’re already paying me, you don’t need to feed me too.”

 

Lance shrugged, pulling things out of the bag and bustling around putting them away. “I guess, but, it just seems like the thing to do. I mean, really, I should have given you something to eat before you left. That would have made more sense. Then you wouldn’t have had to walk all that way hungry.” 

 

“I’m used to it,” He said around a bite of the sandwich. Chewing and swallowing, Kolivan motioned to the other half of the sandwich. “Would you like some? That way you don’t have to use anymore food to make another one?”

 

Lance shook his head, smirking at a pack of noodles. “Nah, it’s fine. I ate earlier while I was working.” He motioned to the table where an empty plate was sitting. “I kind of get a little lost when I’m drawing and it’s just easier to have it sitting over there for easy access.” He paused, looking over at Kolivan. “I didn’t even think you might not like the types of meat I do. I mean, Allura’s weird and doesn’t like turkey.” He rolled his eyes. “Sorry, Kolivan.” 

 

“It’s fine - it’s delicious. I’m not a picky eater anyway.” He chewed another bite. “If you don’t mind me asking -- what were you working on?”

 

“Oh! I draw comics, I don’t know if I told you that or not. Anyway, Allura did some magic voodoo thing and my comic is apparently in a bunch of newspapers.” He shrugged. “I don’t know how she did it. But it’s about a ghost that haunts an apartment building, and it shows the lives of some of the people living there from the ghost’s perspective.” He caught up the bags of coffee he’d ordered and started opening them to pour them all into a container. “You’re welcome to look at them, if you want. I’m not finished with them all yet, but I have a couple done.” 

 

Kolivan nodded. “I’d love to see them, but I can wait until you’re done? I know how some artists don’t like to share their unfinished works.” He got up with the empty plate and took it over to the sink to wash it. “Lunch was delicious by the way. Thank you.” 

 

Lance set the coffee container back in it’s usual place. “I’m glad -- like I said it wasn’t anything special.” He threw the last of the bags away, before smiling up at Kolivan shyly. “But, I really don’t mind if you look at the comics. Honest. While you do that, I’ll get your money, okay?” 

 

“If you’re sure you don’t mind; I’d love to look through them.” Kolivan followed Lance into the living room and sat down on the sofa to leaf through his comics.

 

Lance wandered back into the kitchen to grab his coffee before pulling out one of the drawers and flipping through some bills. He came back out and held the three ten’s out to Kolivan. “Here you go. Sorry, I made you wait while I put things away. How do you like the comics?”

 

“I don’t mind waiting. And these --” He held up the comic he was looking at. “These are amazing. Everything is so detailed and, the story’s really interesting.” He looked up at Lance. “How do you think of such elaborate stories?” Kolivan grabbed the money that Lance held out to him. “Wait -- I think you miscounted; isn’t this too much?”

 

Lance lit up at the compliment. “I dunno… I mean, I’ve always been good at it, and I don’t really have a lot of distractions so, I have plenty of time to think about what I want and what’s speaking to me.” He went to set the comics back on the drawing table. “Oh, no, did I?” He moved back to stand next to Kolivan looking down at the bills. “No… that’s right.”

 

“Are you sure?” Kolivan held up the bills. “I feel bad for taking this much from you… Oh! Is there anything else you’d need help with?” 

 

“Absolutely.” Lance smiled and nodded. “But I think everything is done around here, at least for a few more days, so… no.” He paused, looking thoughtful. “Kolivan. You’d say… we’re friends right?” 

 

Kolivan looked worried. “I - I’d like it if we were. Friends, that is.” He looked at Lance. “Is something the matter?” 

 

Lance shook his head. “No.. nothing’s wrong.. I just.. I want to offer something to you, but I don’t want to upset or offend you. That’s why I asked if we were friends first.. Because.. It’s okay for friends to offer things… I’m pretty sure..”

 

“You’ve already given me so much though, Lance. I’d hate for you to think that I was taking advantage of you…” 

 

Lance actually laughed. “No chance of that. You’re too honorable. No… it’s not a thing… I just thought…” He rubbed a hand over his face and through his hair. “I was going to say… ah, you know what, fuck it.” He straightened, then flung a hand out toward the hallway. “You were really worried before about… your appearance so I was going to offer you my shower, but that’s not something you just - just explain all politely.” He threw up his hands. “Stupid manners!”

 

“Oh, uh… thank you. I mean,” he held up the money to Lance. “You could take the money from the water I use out of what you’ve paid me? I just -- this is your home, not a hotel for me to just use as I please… I feel like you’ve already done so much for me…” He rubbed the back of his neck. 

 

Lance made a face. “Yeah, okay, no.” He shook his head several times. “I think I’m explaining this wrong. You’re my friend. I’m offering my friend the use of my shower if he wants it. I really haven’t done much. I know it seems like a lot, but it really isn’t. I gave you a blanket that I don’t use, so it doesn’t effect me at all, you having it. I give you coffee yeah, but it’s cold out, everyone needs a warm something. It’s not that much, I promise.”

 

“It feels like a lot, trust me. I think it’s just -- Lance, you’ve been the only person who’s really treated me like a person since I’ve come back. I can’t even begin to thank you for all that you’ve done for me.”

 

Lance dropped into his favorite chair. “Then they’re all assholes. No one deserves to be treated as anything less than a person. Well… except maybe serial killers and other bad guys…” He curled up in the chair. “I mean… I’m not gonna make you or anything… Just… offering. Sorry.”

 

“If the offer still stands, then uh… yeah, I’d really appreciate a shower. The ones at the shelter aren’t all that good.”

 

Lance immediately nodded. “Of course it’s still good. I literally just made it to you. Go ahead, you know where the towels are, I’m not going to bother you for anything. You can use whatever you like. Just.. relax if you can… Okay?”

 

Kolivan stood and smiled at Lance. “Thanks… I’ll try.”

 

Lance waited until the door had closed, before he pulled a pillow out of the chair and covered his face with it.  _ Fuck, why? Why was he so damned awkward? _ He shoved the pillow a little closer and groaned. He was not going to think about it, nope. He was helping his friend out, that was all. He was going to get up and go back to his work and ignore any thoughts of Kolivan. In a few minutes… 

 

_ *** _

 

Kolivan shut the door to the bathroom. Standing there looking around the bathroom he felt like he could cry.

 

He shook his head as he grabbed a towel from the cabinet and started the water. Sighing, he held his hand under the stream until he got the water regulated to the temperature that he wanted. He pulled his hand back and shut the curtain. Stepping back, Kolivan removed his clothes and placed them in a folded pile on top of the toilet seat. 

 

He groaned as he stepped into the shower. Kolivan turned around so the water ran over his shoulders; he tipped his head back to wet his hair and sighed. He had gotten used to showers at the shelter -- just a quick in-and-out, no soap or shampoo. But… looking around -- Lance had so many different bottles lining the shelves. Kolivan reached his hand out and hesitated.  _ Lance had said that he could use whatever he wanted….  _ He shook the water out of his eyes and grabbed the closest shampoo bottle. He quickly lathered his hair and rinsed it out.  _ I’m going to need a haircut soon _ , he thought to himself as he reached for a conditioner. 

 

With the conditioner sitting in his hair for a few minutes to remove all the tangled and matted parts, Kolivan reached for a body wash. He brought the bottle up to his nose to sniff it; it was a very calming lavender scent.  _ Hmm… that would work.  _ Kolivan squeezed out a blob of the body wash and began to run his hands across his chest, slowly working up a rich lather.

 

_ This was so much better than the showers at the shelter…  _ The water actually stayed warm for longer than thirty seconds and there was privacy here - a luxury that he hadn’t had in weeks; a luxury that was almost as precious - if not more - than the actual shower. 

 

He ran his hands lower - across his abdomen, spreading the bubbles in his wake. He wouldn’t be able to thank Lance enough for this luxury… 

 

Kolivan hadn’t realized his hand had shifted lower until he bit out an aborted groan.  _ No. I can’t do this here. _ He pulled his hand away and sighed.  _ It wouldn’t be right… but, he couldn’t remember the last time that he had done this for himself.... I haven’t been in here more than five minutes already, if I hurry… No.  _ Kolivan felt conflicted; he didn’t think that Lance would necessarily mind _ ,  _ but he also didn’t have to know - as long as he was able to keep himself quiet.  _ And besides, _ he halfheartedly argued with himself,  _ it would take longer for him to wait for it to go away on his own;  _ and damned if he was going to walk back out there with an erection. 

 

Between the rising humidity and the unrealized pent up sexual frustration, Kolivan was more than half-hard as he gripped himself. He ran his right hand slowly from base to tip and quietly moaned; the water and residual suds from the body wash aiding him in a smooth slide. He swiped his thumb across the head to gather the precum that had started to leak out. 

 

Before going any further, Kolivan turned to face the shower stream so he wouldn’t make a mess of Lance’s shower. 

 

_ Mmmm… Lance…  _

 

He groaned as he gripped himself; slowly softly stroking from base to tip. He usually liked to tease himself, but he didn’t have that option here. He didn’t want to draw any suspicion -- not that Lance would mind… His hand sped up and he squeezed himself.

 

He couldn’t stop himself from thinking of Lance as his hand quickened even more. 

 

Lance and his kind smile.

 

Lance and his bright eyes.

 

Lance and his smooth skin and soft looking hair

 

Lance and his long, nimble fingers.

 

Lance, Lance, Lance… 

 

His hips jumped as he thumbed the head again. Kolivan rested his other hand against the wall to brace himself as he fucked into his fist; grip tightening, struggling to keep quiet, he panted as his hips jumped forward in aborted thrusts. He twisted his wrist on the upstroke and squeezed himself on the downstroke. He could feel his balls tightening. He wouldn’t last much longer at this rate… 

 

He jumped as he heard Lance drop something in the other room and moaned as he came in thick spurts. He leaned his head against the wall as he worked himself through his orgasm - hips still thrusting. Oversensitive, Kolivan let go of himself and rinsed his hand off under the stream.  _ God, I hope Lance didn’t hear that…  _

 

He watched his cum swirl down the drain.  _ Hmm… seems like those small feelings he had towards Lance went a little deeper than friendship…  _

 

Embarrassed at himself for masturbating in Lance’s shower, Kolivan turned to wash the remaining body wash off and rinsed out the conditioner in his hair.  _ I don’t even know if Lance felt that way towards me and I just did… that in his shower. Some friend I am…   _

 

Tired now, from the orgasm, he turned the water off and grabbed the towel that he had draped over the top of the sink. He dried himself off and put his clothes back on -- he wasn’t too happy to be putting the dirty clothes back on but he didn’t have any other options. As he buttoned up his shirt, he looked into the fogged mirror. He ran the back of his hand across the glass to remove the condensation. He sighed as he took in his reflection --  _ Who was he kidding? There’s no way that someone like Lance would ever be able to feel anything romantic towards someone who looked like he did? Maybe… maybe he might’ve had a chance with Lance before he had joined the service but now?  _ He ran his finger down the scar on his face.  _ If that wasn’t bad enough, the milky whiteness of the eye would definitely turn him away. Now is not the time for thoughts like these. Lance is my friend and I don’t want to ruin that with some silly little crush that I seem to have developed. _

 

Kolivan ran his fingers through his hair to separate the strands and weaved his hair into a small braid. He looked up at the clock and sighed - he’d been in here for almost thirty minutes. 

 

Another quick look in the mirror --  _ he hoped that Lance wouldn’t be able to tell what he had just done  _ \-- and Kolivan opened the bathroom door and walked out to the living room. 

 

He smiled as he saw Lance sitting on the corner of the couch. He cleared his throat. “Um… thank you for that. It feels good to be this clean again. And, uh… I’m -- sorry for taking as long as I did. Um… I can leave now if you’d -- if you’re busy…” Uncharacteristically nervous, he twisted his hands together as he waited for Lance to answer him.

 

Lance looked up from his sketchbook. “Hey, you didn’t take hardly any time at all. I take forever and even I know it.” His head tilted a bit, smile small on his face. “Kolivan… I’m not.. Ever busy. I draw the comics yeah, but I technically have all week to do those. You’re more than welcome to stay a while if you want…” 

 

“I’d -- I really enjoy spending time with you. I just don’t want to seem like a bother…” 

 

Lance immediately shook his head. “I like it when you visit. You’re not a bother at all, I mean… you’re always offering to help me, even though I don’t have much to do… it’s probably boring for you hanging around doing nothing huh?” One corner of his mouth quirked up. “But… you’re always welcome here…” 

 

Kolivan sat down on the couch and wrung his hands. “I, uh… I’ve gone to a few job interviews at local businesses but I’ve been turned down because of my vision… so, I don’t really have anything to do…” He shrugged. “I’d usually just be sitting outside or taking a walk around the block a few times. It’s, uh… it’s nice to spend time with someone who actually wants to be around me…”  

 

“Hmm..” Lance frowned, absently tapping the end of his pencil on the pad of paper. “Well… maybe we can think up some jobs that you can do, despite your vision. I mean.. You were able to do the shopping for me just fine.. Maybe you could deliver from a store? Or.. stock shelves? I know they are shit jobs, but as tall and muscle-y as you are, you’d have no problem there. Um… what did you… do before?” He looked over, hesitated, and slowly reached over and patted Kolivan’s hand before drawing his hand back. “Like I said.. Those people are assholes. I can’t think of anything you might do to make you not welcome anymore.”

 

Kolivan shrugged. “I enlisted when I was eighteen so, being in the army is all that I know.” 

 

“Huh… I moved here when I was eighteen…” Lance shifted, crossing his legs where he sat on the couch. “I’m sure we can figure something out for you to do. I can ask Allura when she comes on Monday if you want?” He smiled over at Kolivan. 

 

“Thanks,” Kolivan smiled.

 

* * *

 

Kolivan fumbled with the door under the weight of the grocery bags. Unfortunately, no one had been downstairs to buzz him in, so he’d had to struggle with pressing the button without putting any of the groceries on the ground. He made his way upstairs and gently kicked the bottom of Lance’s door to let him know that he was here. 

 

He smiled as Lance opened the door and grabbed a few of the bags from him. Together, the two of them had managed to put all the groceries in a matter of minutes. 

 

Lance had made him lunch again and had decided to join Kolivan at the table. He watched as Lance chewed; he had been quiet today. 

 

Kolivan cleared his throat. “Lance? Can I… ask you something? 

 

Lance looked up, head tilted slightly. “Um… sure? I mean… Of course, you can.”

 

“I don’t… mean to pry into your personal business, and honestly? I just thought that… since we’re friends, that maybe you could talk to me if you needed too? You’ve helped me out so much; I’d like to repay the favor -- if I could -- this is absolutely none of my business but… have you always been this way?” Kolivan rubbed his hand across his face. “Ah, shit. No, sorry. That was extremely insensitive. What I mean is -- what happened that scared you so much to the point that you can’t bring yourself to leave?”

 

Lance froze, eyes wide and he dropped the rest of his sandwich on the plate before shoving his shaking hands under his own legs. “Um… well… I… uh…” He cleared his throat, then started shifting in his seat. He squeezed his eyes shut, then took a slow deep breath, before slowly letting it out. 

 

Right before Kolivan could take back the question Lance started talking, voice low, and his eyes fixed on the table in front of him.

 

“It was in August; eight years ago. Allura had just signed me on as a comic artist, and I was walking home from my last shift at a diner across town. It was dark, but I’d taken the same walk for two years, since I moved here. My apartment wasn’t far, it was a nice night, not too cool, but not sticky with heat like some nights could be. I was a block from my apartment when a really fancy car took a corner too fast, swerved and came up on the sidewalk. I remember the crack of the windshield and the screech of tires -- the sound I made when I hit the ground…” 

 

He took another one of those slow shaky breaths, exhaling just as carefully. “I woke up in the hospital almost five months later. I didn’t really know where I was or what had happened, not right away… I had to undergo a lot of physical therapy, because one of my hands didn’t work quite right, and it was hard for me to do… well - anything for a long time. I was at the hospital for several months. They kept me pretty medicated for a while, so none of it’s very clear, but Allura found this place for me, and was the one to sue the guy on my behalf. Apparently, she won me enough money to cover all my bills and leave me in a good place financially…” 

 

Another breath. “Once I was finished with my therapy, which was done here, to avoid me moving anymore than I was supposed to, Allura invited me out for a lunch… to celebrate.” One of Lance’s hands came up and curled around his arm. “So, we went to the door and… I just couldn’t move. All I could think about was the accident, and the next thing I really knew, Allura was crouched in front of me, practically screaming my name, and I was curled up in a ball. My hands were numb, I had tears running down my face and I was shaking so badly my teeth were chattering.”

 

Lance ducked his head a bit more, shoulders hunching as he tried to get as small as possible. His next breath hitched part way through, and he immediately took several more before he continued. 

 

“I honestly thought it was just a fluke at first. Like… you know… when you fall off your bike as a kid and you’re leery to get back on it? So I waited a week, more than enough time to feel better and tried again. I was going to go down to the store… for some supplies… and it happened again. Then again, when I was going to go and watch a storm coming in. I told myself, it would be fine, I would just… Stand right outside the door, on the steps, that there was no chance of another car hitting me… but then I started thinking… I could get mugged… Or shot… Or someone could just not like the way I look and beat the shit out of me…” He stopped to take another series of breaths; hand curling a bit tighter on his arm. “It didn’t matter what I did, what I told myself, I still couldn’t step out of my apartment.”

 

Abruptly Lance stood, and started pacing. “Allura hired a couple of therapists for me. One was alright, taught me how to control my breathing and deal with the attacks when they happened… but the other one, came to visit me, and talked with me for maybe an hour before she started insisting that the only way I would ever get better was to be forced to go outside. She literally dragged me into the hallway. I honestly don’t remember much of it, but some of my neighbors told me about how she was pulling on my arm and I was clawing at the walls, doorknobs, anything I could hold onto before we reached the stairs. Apparently a couple of them finally made her stop and the minute she let me go I was gone, back in my apartment. The other therapist said it was too soon for that kind of treatment, but it didn’t really matter, I was done.”

 

Both of Lance’s arms were wrapped around himself now as he moved around the apartment, staying clear of the door and the windows. “It took me a long time, but eventually I was able to move around the building, but that’s only been for about two years or so. Last year, I finally opened my window so I could feel the rain on my skin again..” He shook his head several times. “Every so often, I’d considering giving it another try, but it’s always the same, so why keep putting myself through it? It’s not going to change. That point was only driven home the one and only time I did step outside…” Lance took one final breath before he finally looked up at Kolivan. His eyes were glassy, and his face was pale. “So… yeah…”

 

He laughed a little, more at himself than with any real humor. “So… here I am now… A reclusive artist that’s awkward with people and touching and… everything because I don’t remember anymore how things work when it’s more than just me… I’m scared of anything and everything from another car hitting me to the ground opening up and swallowing me whole. I know those things probably won’t happen. I  _ know _ it, but I can’t change the panic I feel or the way I freeze up…” He shifted then shook his head. “Sorry… I’m sorry, Kolivan… I just… can’t… right now… I’m sorry.”

 

Kolivan was at a loss; he hadn’t expected what had made Lance the way that he was to be so violent. He felt like absolute shit for even bringing it up; he had to try  _ something - anything -  _ to help calm Lance down. 

 

“Lance… I - I’m so sorry for making you relive that.” He stood and pushed himself away from the table. Extending a hand towards Lance. “That’s nothing that you should ever have to apologize for -- your fear over what happened to you is valid; don’t you dare let anyone else tell you otherwise. Just because it’s no longer a physical injury doesn’t mean that it’s going to hurt any less… 

 

He watched as Lance hung his head, seeming to shrink in on himself. Kolivan took a step forward. “Can - can I… give you a hug? It, uh… it looks like you could use one right about now…”  

 

“Um… okay… I just.. Y-yeah.. okay?” Lance was doing his best to keep his breathing steady, but it had been years since his last hug. Still, he held his arms a little tighter, breathing as steadily as he could.

 

Kolivan closed the space between them and held on to Lance. He rested his chin on top of Lance’s head and sighed; arms rubbing up and down Lance’s back to try to soothe him. “I’m so, so sorry that you’ve had to deal with all of this. I’m so grateful that you’ve had Allura to help you through this, but… now - if you’d like - you can have me to help you through this as well.”

 

Even though he was expecting it, Lance still tensed at the contact. Slowly, his hands uncurled and latched onto Kolivan’s shirt, and he tucked his face close. “I’m sorry… sorry…” He didn’t move for a long while, but slowly his shaking lessened and his breathing evened out. Lance took another minute before finally releasing his death grip on Kolivan’s shirt. 

 

“I’m sorry… I just… I know -- I’m not going to get better… and it’s just… easier not to think about it…” 

 

“And that’s completely fine. When - or if - you ever decide to go back to therapy is completely up to you, no one can ever force you to do that. It has to be done on your terms and your terms only.” Kolivan pulled back to look Lance in the eye. “I’m truly sorry for bringing this up… Oh! How about we do something to take your mind off of things? I think I saw some of your DVD’s sitting out -- maybe we could watch one of those? If - if you want to that it is! I can completely understand if you’d want me to leave now.”  

 

Lance shook his head. “No… it’s okay. Was, probably going to come up at some point. But.. yeah… a movie’d be good.. Just throw in any of them… but… Kolivan?” Lance shifted, stepping back and looking up at him. “I, um… don’t really want you to go… but… I also understand if you  _ want _ to… I mean… I don’t… want to you feel like… you have to stay…” 

 

“Trust me Lance, I  _ want _ to stay.” He pulled away and put his hand on Lance’s shoulder. “Alright, I’ll pick out a movie and give you a couple minutes to yourself? I’ll wait until you’re ready to start it.”

 

“Um… it’s okay… I’ve seen them all a lot… just… um… I’ll be back…” He shifted, and hurried off to the bathroom. 

 

Kolivan watched as Lance all but ran to the bathroom. He waited until he heard the door shut, and then walked into the living room to look through his DVD’s. There was a small pile on the floor by the television. He grabbed one from the top and placed it in the player. The menu popped up right away and Kolivan settled himself onto the couch to wait for Lance.

 

He heard the door open and craned his neck to see Lance standing in the doorway. “I put in Jurassic Park -- it was the first one on the pile over there so I figured you liked it.” He smiled as Lance shuffled over.

 

“Yeah… It’s a great movie…” He settled into the corner of the couch, knees pulled up and resting his head on them. “Um… Kolivan?”

 

“Yeah?” He turned to face Lance.

 

“Thanks… for staying.”

 

“Of course I stayed. We’re… friends, right? That’s just what friends do for each other -- I, uh care about you and your wellbeing.”

 

Lance nodded, chin rubbing against his knees. “Y - yeah. Still, thanks.”

 

***

 

Without fail, Kolivan woke to the sight of a coffee cup, and occasional sandwich. 

 

He smiled as he stood; stretching to reach the cup on the top step. No matter how early he tried to wake himself up in the mornings, Lance always beat him. 

 

Kolivan brought his coffee back over to the little alcove where he slept and took a sip as he looked up at the sky. It was overcast again today; the sky a dense white - it looked like snow. He sighed; it had been getting steadily colder and as much as Kolivan hated the shelter, it was starting to look like he wouldn’t have any other choice. He had been putting in applications in at stores all around the neighborhood but so far no one had offered him a job. Most places took one look at his ragged appearance and shooed him out the door before he even had the chance to submit an application. 

 

So far though, the only person who had offered him a job was Lance. Kolivan sighed; he loved being able to help Lance but he felt like he was taking advantage of his kindness, especially after that… shower incident - which hopefully Lance still was none the wiser to. 

 

He really… liked Lance. He hadn’t even realized that he had started to develop feelings for him until it was too late. And honestly? How could he not like Lance? Lance who was forever kind with him; Lance who tried his damndest to make sure Kolivan had his coffee every morning even though it cause him to have panic attacks throughout the remainder of the day. Even though it wasn’t his responsibility, Lance made sure he gave him food after he bought his groceries back.  _ But…  _ Kolivan shook his head; he didn’t want to get carried away with thoughts of Lance reciprocating his growing feelings. He didn’t want to chance losing the only friend that he had right now.

 

_ Speaking of groceries, _ Kolivan looked at his watch; he should get going now because he had one more store that he wanted to try submitting an application too. With that thought in mind, Kolivan stood, slung his duffel bag over his shoulder and threw his empty cup away as he started to walk down the street.

 

***

 

Lance paced back and forth, from one end of his couch to the other. He hadn’t really seen Kolivan much over the last couple of days, and he was honestly starting to get worried about him. But, he was supposed to show up today for the shopping, but, it was Thanksgiving so everything would close early and honestly… Lance hoped he could coax Kolivan into sharing dinner or something with him. 

 

Kolivan was out of breath as he knocked on Lance’s door; someone had let him in as they were leaving. He called through the door. “Lance?”

 

There was a loud thud, then a string of curses before the door flew open. “Kolivan! You’re okay?” Lance’s hair was a mess, strands sticking up all over and there was a bright red mark on his chin. 

 

He smiled at Lance’s flustered expression. “I’m fine,” he rubbed his hand across the back of his neck. “I’ve been staying at the shelter the past few days -- it’s gotten a little too cold to stay outside. And it was a mess this morning trying to grab some time in the showers… and the soup kitchen was a mad-house - they had so many extra workers.” He stepped through the door, and turned to Lance. “Sorry about making you wait, though. I can grab your groceries quick, since I was so late this morning…” 

 

Lance tucked his hands behind his back, to avoid reaching out to confirm that Kolivan was actually okay. His head ducked down a little, one sock covered foot rubbed a bit at the floor. “Um… actually… I don’t think you can….” His shoulders hunched a bit, “It’s um… Thanksgiving… so the store will be a nightmare… I was… um… well… hoping…” He ducked his head a bit more, and bit the inside of his cheek. “That… since it was a holiday… you would… maybe… celebrate… with me?”

 

Kolivan took a step back. “Oh! I, uh -- can still go get your groceries? I wouldn’t mind, besides you need your groceries for this week but…” He smiled. “After that? I’d love to spend the day with you.” 

 

Lance’s smile was small, shy and a little nervous. “If… if you want to… I mean… It will be really busy… and full of people… I don’t want you to be uncomfortable…” He slowly brought his hands forward and twisted them together. “You… sure… Um -- that you want to stay?”

 

“I wouldn’t have said it if I hadn’t meant it.” He smiled. “How about I go get your groceries tomorrow, then? I wouldn’t want you to be worrying about me.”

 

Lance shrugged. “I always worry about you… but, um… yeah, tomorrow is fine.” He ducked his head again before finally closing the door and locking it. “So… um… I should… Go get started… cooking yeah?”

 

“I could help? I’d hate for you to do all the work while I just watched.”

 

“Y - yeah, I mean, that would be nice. I haven’t cooked with anyone for a long time. I hope it will taste okay.” He finally smiled a bit wider, more like his usual ones. “I’m not… going to try anything fancy, but… I guess this explains the extra long list last week… Huh?”

 

“Yeah,” Kolivan chuckled. “I guess it does explain the list. And whatever you’re going to make is going to be delicious -- I’m sure.”

 

Lance’s head snapped up, face red and his hands moved automatically, shoving a little at Kolivan’s arm. “Stop that! Just because I can make sandwiches doesn’t mean I’m like, a killer chef! Honestly!” He rolled his eyes but headed toward the kitchen.

 

Kolivan followed after Lance with a smile on his face. “I’m just stating a fact.” He shrugged. “You seem to forget that I grab your groceries each week. I know the kinds of things you get -- and none of that is for simple meals.”

 

Lance stared hard at Kolivan. “I don’t know what you are talking about. Someone must have tried to pick a fight with you and gotten in a lucky shot before you knocked their lights out…” Lance paused. “Oh - Oh, that’s right! Kolivan!” He spun, facing the man fully. “I left a drawing on the little table by the couch for you. I finally finished that picture I promised. You as a giant furry purple alien. I think you’ll like it.” He smiled, warm and a little shy before gesturing toward the table. “Go set your stuff down, look it over, then you can help.” 

 

Kolivan could feel the heat creep up the back of his neck as Lance smiled at him. “Uh… y - yeah.” He cleared his throat. “I - I’ll go check it out real quick.” He quickly turned, in hopes that Lance hadn’t seen the beginnings of his blush. 

 

His jaw dropped as he picked up the drawing that Lance had done for him. Lance had - indeed - drawn him as a giant purple alien. Lance had given him red markings over the tips of his fluffy ears that met in the middle of his forehead; he had even added his scar, as well as a long white braid. Unaware that he was doing so, Kolivan had begun to nervously rub the tail of his own braid; it had slowly, but surely started to grow out into a more manageable length.

 

His bag had slipped off his shoulder and onto the floor as he looked the drawing over. “Oh, wow.” He knew that Lance had considered it as a passing joke at first, but there was clearly a lot of time and effort spent on it. Kolivan gently placed the paper back onto the end table, and made his way through the apartment to the kitchen.

 

He cleared his throat as he entered, “That - that was amazing, Lance.” 

 

Lance looked up from the box he was reading the back of with a smile. “I’m glad you think so. It’s for you after all. It was kind of fun to do too. I mean… The ears took the longest, and I had no idea what your favorite color was… but the red made a nice contrast, in my opinion.” He looked back down at the box. “I mean… I think you make a way better badass alien than I could.” 

 

Kolivan was almost overtaken with the desire to lean over and place a kiss on Lance’s forehead; instead, he cleared his throat again. “So! Uh… what can I help you with?” He rolled his sleeves up and walked over to stand next to Lance.

 

Lance cheerfully directed Kolivan around, eventually losing most of his nerves due to focusing on the cooking. It was nice.. So nice to shift around another person, even if Lance was all awkward about it and kept literally bumping into Kolivan. To explain to Kolivan why the parade on TV every year got worse instead of better. To… look up and actually see someone else there… 

 

Kolivan smiled down at Lance as he caught him staring again; it was cute how Lance had thought he was being subtle. It was nice working in the kitchen with him; they kept bumping into each other but they laughed each time it happened. It all felt so… domestic.  _ I could get used to this…  _

 

Eventually, with everything was mostly finished, Lance kicked Kolivan out of the kitchen, telling him to go relax and find something for them to watch that Lance hasn’t seen five hundred times while he finished things up. There wasn’t really much more, just keep stirring potatoes and to cut up the little boneless turkey breast thing he’d chosen. Kolivan may be delusional about Lance’s cooking but Lance was very aware that cooking a real turkey was beyond his abilities. 

 

Kolivan laughed as Lance pushed him out of the kitchen with a demand to find a movie for them to watch. He made his way over to the same pile of dvd’s from before and leaned over to look through them. Lance had quite the variety of genres but he eventually settled on The Lost World: Jurassic Park. He had figured since they had already watched the first one that they might as well watch the second.  _ And,  _ he hoped,  _ maybe Lance would want to finish the trilogy with him…  _

 

He had just popped the dvd in and grabbed the remote when he heard Lance cursing. He called out to him, “Lance?”

 

He burnt the fucking potatoes. Lance pulled the pan off and tossed it at the sink, and yelled back a shaky, “I’m fine!” before he stared at the pan hatefully.  _ Stupid bastard potatoes, why had he ever thought he could do this and not screw it up. _ He glared one more time at the black mess before he sighed, and his shoulders slumped. _ I’m seriously pathetic. _

 

Lance shuffled around, putting the turkey and the rest on the plates and making sure everything was turned off, before he slowly walked out and set the plates down. He took a step back and shifted. “I - I’m sorry…”

 

Kolivan walked over to the table and cocked his head to the side. “Sorry? For what? Everything looks - and smells - delicious.”

 

Lance shook his head, eyes watering. “No… I… burnt the potatoes… I was… busy cutting the turkey and they burned…” He shifted back a step. “I’m sorry, Kolivan.”

 

“Hey, none of that. There’s absolutely nothing to be sorry about - this is plenty of food. Now, c’mon -- let’s go watch that movie as we eat.” He smiled at Lance as he picked the plates up and handed Lance his.

 

Lance blinked, then looked up at Kolivan’s smile.  _ He was so so screwed. _ He held the plate in one hand and rubbed a little at his face, before following along, settling down on the couch. Lance didn’t say anything for a while but finally, he offered. “You know… I um.  I have the other two movies in this series… maybe… we could watch all of them together?”

 

Kolivan smiled - any wider, and surely his face would crack - “Yeah, I - I’d love that, Lance.”

 

***

 

With the money that Lance had been paying him, Kolivan had accumulated a few new outfits - nothing special, but he wanted to at least be able to look presentable when he went in for any possible interviews.

 

The only problem that he faced now was where to store them - they were getting wrinkled in his duffel bag and he ran the risk of getting them dirty. It had been raining recently and his bag was starting to fall apart at the seams. 

 

With a sigh, he looked up at Lance’s window; he couldn’t see him moving around in there but there wasn’t any other place that he could be. With how close they seem to have gotten - especially over the past Thanksgiving holiday - Kolivan had hoped that he could ask Lance a favor -- he just needed a place to hang his clothes up. 

 

Even though it wasn’t a day that Kolivan usually went up to visit Lance - a quick look to the sky showed growing, rolling clouds. Not wanting to take any chances, Kolivan gathered his stuff and walked up the steps to hope that Lance would buzz him in. 

 

He pressed the button down for Lance’s apartment and called through the small speaker. “Lance?”

 

There was a long pause before Lance’s voice came back and the buzzing sound of the door unlocking immediately followed. “Oh hey, come on up.”

 

Kolivan pulled the door open as it unlocked. He leaned over towards the speaker. “Be right up.” 

 

He let the door swing shut behind him as he took the steps up two at a time. Slightly out of breath, he knocked on Lance’s door. 

 

When Lance opened the door, he had a towel half over his head. He was wearing a white tank top and a pair of threadbare sweats. He was sweating but smiling. “Hey! Sorry, I was running on the treadmill. Come in?”

 

Kolivan walked through the door and stuttered, “o - oh, y - yeah, uh… sorry to interrupt. I, uh -- can come back another time?” He could feel his face heating up as he tried to look anywhere other than at Lance.

 

“No, no, it’s fine. I only have it because exercise is important.” He turned to close and lock the door, before stretching just a bit. “So, what’s up?”

 

“Um --” he cleared his throat, and turned to look at Lance. “I - I wanted to know if I could ask you a favor? I feel horrible for having to ask more of you but I don’t have anywhere else to put my things, and I - I wanted to know if I could just leave some of my clothes here? I used the money that you’ve been paying me to buy some better clothes for job hunting and - and I don’t want them to get ruined in the rain or snow…” 

 

“Hey, it’s fine. Besides, aren’t you the one always offering to help me out? Also, I know it was you that spirited away my trash on Thanksgiving because it certainly wasn’t me. I’ve got plenty of space. Do you need them hanging or is folded okay? Ah, here, come on.” He waved a hand at Kolivan and headed toward his own room. 

 

Kolivan followed after Lance. “Um… hanging would be better? But, uh… folded would work too -- just, whatever’s easiest for you.”

 

Lance headed straight for his closet, not even bothering to pull the towel off. He opened the doors and immediately shoved his own clothes to the side, before bending over to pull something out of a plastic tub. “I’m pretty sure I have some spare hangers… Yeah, here you go.” He straightened back up and turned, a hand-full of hangars in his arms.

 

To say that Kolivan was embarrassed by the noise he made when Lance bent over would be an understatement; he tried to disguise it as a cough - to no avail. “Y - yes, thank you!” He grabbed the hangars from Lance’s arms. “Um…” Kolivan looked around the room. “Where, uh -- where can I put these?” 

 

Lance looked mildly concerned for a second before pointing at the closet. “Um… right there? Are you okay? You aren’t… getting sick are you? I can… make you some coffee…?”

 

“No, no -- I’m good. It’s just -- I didn’t want to get any of your clothes dirty… and um, coffee would be good?”

 

“Okay…” Lance frowned a little before dropping to his knees and pulling a basket out from under his bed. “If anything’s dirty, just… throw it in here, yeah? I’ll wash it. See, nothing to worry about.” He straightened, before motioning toward the kitchen. “I’ll go get it ready for you.” He tossed his own towel in the basket before he left the room. 

 

“You don’t -- ah, t - thank you.” Kolivan knelt down to empty his bag into the laundry basket; he pushed aside his coffee mug and grabbed the blanket from the bottom of his bag. With that done, Kolivan stood, grabbed the basket and walked out in the hallway to find Lance. “Hey --” He held up the basket, “do you want me to put these in the machine for you?”

 

Lance looked up from the mug he was filling. “Oh, no, not yet.” He tugged on the tank top. “I’ve got to throw these in there too. But, if you’ll give me a minute to go change, I can do that really quick, then you can. I’ve gotta find my change too…” He smiled as he pushed a mug toward Kolivan. “It’ll just take a couple of minutes.” He headed back toward his room and closed the door. 

 

Kolivan placed the basket on the floor next to his feet and walked over to grab his coffee. He tried his hardest not to think about Lance currently naked and changing his clothes in the next room over; and if Lance said anything about the blush on his face? He’d blame it on holding the hot coffee too close to his face. He groaned into the mug.  _ Damn, he had it bad…  _

 

“You know… Allura’s told me over and over that I make really good coffee… but I’ve never thought it was that good…” Lance dropped his workout clothes and a little baggie of change in the basket and fiddled with the sweater he was now wearing. “I’m glad you like it though. But…  are you sure you don’t want me to start these?”

 

Kolivan shook his head, “it’s the least I can do after you letting me keep my things here.” He smiled as he walked over to grab the basket; he turned before he mumbled. “T - that’s uh, a nice sweater, by the way.” Face burning, Kolivan walked to the door. “I - I’ll be right back.”

 

Confused, and blushing from the sudden compliment, Lance looked down at the pale blue sweater, quietly vowing to wear it more often.

 

***

 

“So, I understand things are good for you?” Allura was smirking over the the coffee cup Lance had given her when she arrived. 

 

“The fact that you know everything but I never see any of your spies, only makes me more and more worried about how many you have.”

 

“Oh, Lance, you must know that of all my clients you are my favorite.”

 

“Lies, you say that to all your clients! You just love me for my coffee.” Lance frowned, as he went to collect the comics for the week. 

 

“Well…” She grinned when he turned just enough to stick his tongue out at her. “But, I did a little looking into your friend, and while I don’t have any available spots at the moment, I might after the holidays.” Her grin grew, especially when Lance froze at the sight of it. 

 

“Allura, don’t make that face. I don’t like it when you make that face.” 

 

“Now, now, is this how you treat someone that is going to help you out a little, hmm?” She set her mug down, and fixed Lance with a look. “You forget, I know you very well, and it’s becoming quite obvious to me that --”

 

“Please stop… Please?” Lance dropped the comics on the table and sat down, putting his head in his hands. “I know I’m a damn idiot, I don’t need to hear it from you too, Allura.”

 

Allura’s expression softened. She hadn’t been lying when she said Lance was her favorite. Sure, he had his phobia and the problems that had come with it, but he always had his work finished, he always offered her coffee, snacks, and always agreed to any of her suggestions concerning his art. She also was very observant, she had to be in her line of work. She’d been aware of Lance’s little crush on her, almost before he was, and she found she respected him more for working so hard to keep it to himself. It wasn’t hard to spot those same signs when he would talk about this.. Kolivan. 

 

“Very well, Lance.” She picked up her mug again, sipping at it before changing the subject slightly. “You know… Christmas is not that far away… and while I am greatly looking forward to the little orange-flavored muffins you always gift me with, I was actually thinking that this would be a good excuse for you to finally gift your friend with some of the things he might need.”

 

Lance narrowed his eyes. “This doesn’t sound like you letting it go, Allura.” 

 

A hand came up and waved about airly. “Come now, think about it. It is Christmas, Lance. When people give gifts to others and know that they will be accepted because that is what is done at Christmas. You could give him things that he might not normally accept. A coat perhaps? Or possibly invite him for a real meal?”

 

Slowly, Lance started to nod. “Well… he has been eating at the soup kitchen… and… I know he doesn’t like it there…” Abruptly Lance’s head darted up, a wide smile on his face as he jerked forward and caught Allura in a surprisingly strong hug, holding her for just a moment before he froze and darted backward like he was on fire.

 

For her part, Allura was almost as shocked as Lance was, her own eyes wide. Lance, for all his kindness, rarely touched her. He certainly had never hugged her. She knew he had… problems with it, awkwardness from being alone as much as he was, and hesitance, because he was also so worried about crossing lines that weren’t really there. 

 

“I - I - I’m sorry! I - I just…” That quickly, Lance was gone, his bedroom door slamming shut behind him. 

 

She shook herself out of her own shock and collected the drawings. “It’s fine, Lance. Really.” The silence spoke volumes, and she sighed. “Very well, I shall see you next week, Lance.” She crossed the room and closed the door behind her. She considered what it meant that Lance was willing to reach out and hug now… she had a feeling that was due to this… Kolivan’s influence. Well, it was Allura’s job to keep her clients happy. Perhaps she would go and see what he felt about all this. It couldn’t be that hard to find him.

 

***

 

The soup kitchen was decent enough, but Allura certainly looked out of place as she walked in. She ignored the eyes that were on her, concentrating on scanning the room for the man she was looking for. A pleased smirk, grew on her face when she spotted him at a little table in the corner.

 

As she crossed the room, one man, whistled at her, then elbowed his neighbor, even going so far as to wiggle his eyebrows at her. Allura paused, one thin eyebrow raising up. 

 

“Yer, a pretty thing… how ‘bout we --”

 

_ SLAM! _

 

Allura clapped her hand on the table hard enough to stop the man mid-sentence. “I may be a…  ‘pretty thing,’ but, you should be aware that I can and will break your arm in three places and feed it to you if necessary.” She almost purred the words, before leaning back and continuing along her way, and slid into a seat directly across from Kolivan.

 

“Um… Hi?”

 

“You are actually rather hard to find. This is the third place I have checked.” She smiled, then folded her hands together and rested her chin on them. 

 

“Is everything alright with Lance?” He sat up straighter. “Nothing’s happened to him, has it?”

 

Allura had to bite back her smile.  _ Adorable. _ “Well, I can tell you that he is perfectly safe, but he is likely to be a bit… panicky today. He hugged me earlier, see and will likely worry over it the rest of the day.”

 

Kolivan relaxed into his seat again. “Well, I’m glad he’s alright. But, um… if nothing is wrong with Lance… Can I ask why you’ve been looking for me?”

 

Allura straightened a bit, the sly smile that Lance hated so much still present. “Of course you can… I was simply curious to see if you’d noticed yet?” 

 

He looked around the room. “Um… noticed? Noticed - what, exactly?”

 

“That Lance is absolutely infatuated with you, of course.” 

 

“O - oh, um --” Kolivan felt his face heat up under her stare; he averted his eyes. “I, uh --  _ might _ have noticed? But, uh… I had thought that I was imaging things?”

 

“Boys…  _ honestly _ .” She shook her head. “Lance… isn’t as good as he thinks he is at hiding things. It comes from being out of practice. You however, are much better at it.” Her head tilted slightly. “It’s admirable, but really not helping your situation.” 

 

“My situation? I don’t -- I mean --” he sighed; and started over, his face still red. “Yes, I noticed -  _ hoped  _ \- but c’mon Allura. What could Lance possibly gain from liking me? Honestly, I can’t even wrap my head around the fact that he likes me. Look at me -- I’m a homeless Army veteran with nothing.”

 

Allura watched as he floundered a bit, smirk still present. She hasn’t had this much fun in years. “Well, I suppose, the same could be said for you couldn’t it?” Her smile faded and she unthreaded her hands, even going so far as to count off on her fingers. “After all… to Lance, he’s not really a catch, now is he? He never leaves, never does anything fun or exciting, not to mention, his panic attacks, his endless worries, oh, and then there is the dependance he has on people. That is certainly not a point in his favor.” Her eyebrow raised up again. 

 

“But Lance is so much more than just his flaws! He’s smart, talented, kind, and loving and so much, much more!”

 

Allura simply sat there, eyebrow still raised, and the smirk slowly growing on her face. 

 

Kolivan’s blush returned with a vengeance. “O - oh, uh… I guess I’m not as good at hiding things as I thought…”  

 

“Perhaps not. But, with my original question answered, and I am pleased to know you are observant, here is my next one.” She paused, just long enough to lean a bit closer. “Surely, you do intend to do something about it, yes?”

 

He fidgeted with his fingers. “No, I hadn’t; not unless I was able to get myself back on my own two feet. It wouldn’t be fair to force my feelings on Lance while I’m in the situation that I am. I wouldn’t want any possible relationship to come into play while I was dependant on Lance for a job…” 

 

Allura considered, then held up two fingers. “One, forced is such a silly word to use, knowing what you do. Second; I can see your point, but… consider, is it better for him to think he has no chance at all? Especially, since he’s been asking me every Monday for the past three weeks, if I could find you job? Or, that the only reason he hugged me was because I helped him figure out a Christmas gift for you? Lance has not touched me more than to steady my elbow once when I broke a heel.” 

 

“A C - Christmas gift?! No, no, no. You can’t let him do that! I can’t do anything in return for him!”

 

“Adorable. Haven’t you figured out yet, that Lance will do whatever he sets his mind to? Doesn’t he leave you coffee every morning even though he knows he’ll panic about it after? He even went  _ outside _ for you! If you think I can stop him, then perhaps you are a little bit of a fool.” She stood, and collected her bag. “Besides… Gifts aren’t always material.” She turned, but paused, looking over Kolivan carefully. “Come by my office on the 23rd. After two, give the receptionist this card, and we’ll talk.” She pulled a thin business card out of her purse and set it down before  walking away pausing only long enough to glare at the man that had whistled earlier. 

 

Kolivan was left alone at the table; red faced. “Um…” 

 

***

 

He had sat at that table at the soup kitchen for well over an hour - thinking about all that Allura had told him. Kolivan kept repeating the same sentence over and over:

 

‘He even went  _ outside _ for you!’

 

‘He even went  _ outside _ for you!’

 

‘He even went  _ outside _ for you!’

 

Kolivan hadn’t let himself really think of the implications of that simple statement until Allura had all but shoved it in his face. 

 

_ Lance had gone outside for  _ **_him_ ** _ …  _

 

He put his head in his hands;  _ maybe… maybe his crush wasn’t so one-sided after all…  _

 

His head shot up; quickly he grabbed the business card from Allura and shoved it in his duffel bag. 

 

***

 

The building that Allura had directed Kolivan to, was extremely nice. The carpets were thick, and the wall decorations all very high end. There were a handful of chairs on one side of the room with a reception desk directly across from the door. 

 

Kolivan felt extremely out of place; Lance had washed his clothes a few days ago but he had accumulated his fair share of stains in the meantime. He fidgeted with the edge of his sleeve as he walked up to the receptionist. 

 

He pulled the business card from Allura out of his duffel bag and showed it to the receptionist. “Um… I’m here to see Allura?” He watched as she flipped the card over and glanced at him in disdain.

 

Still, she held up a finger, and stood, pointing to the waiting area with a scowl as she disappeared down a short hall. She was gone only a moment before she reappeared, both eyebrows up in surprise, before motioning for Kolivan to follow her. 

 

Kolivan readjusted his grip on his duffel bag and silently followed after her. After a short elevator ride, Narti - as her nametag read - led him down a short hall and knocked on a door to the left. He could hear Allura yell a muffled, “Come in!” 

 

He smiled at Narti as she opened the door for him; she scowled in return.

 

“Thank you, Narti.” Allura looked up from the papers covering her desk and motioned to one of the chairs. “Please have a seat, don’t mind Narti, she’s almost more like a security guard than she is a receptionist.” 

 

“Oh,” Kolivan sat down in a chair in front of Allura’s desk. “So… what is it that you needed to talk to me about?”

 

Allura folded her hands together and rested them on the desk. “I’m not entirely sure if Lance explained properly what it is that I do. I am… well --” She smiled for a moment. “I actually do a lot of things. I manage people, basically. For Lance, as an example, I ensure his comics are sent out to the people that want them. Which for the record, is a great deal of newspapers across the country. I make sure that he has the week’s projects finished on time, and that he is paid on time. I also handle any problems that might come up, cancellations, requests for new material, to name a few. For other people it varies.”

 

She paused long enough to study Kolivan again. “My uncle owns the company, and he is… a little protective, you might say. Following me so far?”

 

Kolivan nodded. “I think so?”

 

“Excellent. As I said, my uncle is quite protective and despite me being very capable of taking care of myself, he still will occasionally treat me like I am still a little girl.” Allura’s smile was fond. “However, the reason why I asked you here, is because, he has been very insistent on us hiring someone to --” One hand came up a finger tapping against her chin. “How do I put this…  be a presence at some of our more public events. Not necessarily as security, but more of an extra deterrent. I was thinking you would work just fine.”   
  


“Are - are you offering me a job?” Kolivan leaned forward in the chair; hopeful. 

 

Allura smiled. “I am, but, it would not be an everyday, kind of thing. It would be for special events, for instance, our New Year’s Eve Party. You would basically follow me around and terrify anyone that bothers me too much.” She smirked. “Of course, you should always let me scare a couple of them.” 

 

Kolivan chuckled at that; he smiled. “I’d be more than happy to let you scare a few on your own - after all, you took care of yourself just fine the other day at the soup kitchen.”

 

“That was rather fun! I haven’t seen anyone pale so quickly in quite a while.” She clapped her hands together. “Now, as I was saying. You will be required to attend all these terribly boring events, You will have to escort me and likely my uncle to the event and then home again. I understand from Lance that… you are not able to drive, but that is no matter, we usually rent a car. Would you be interested? Again, it would likely only be once or twice a month…”

 

“I’d be very much interested.” Kolivan nodded. “Just let me know if there’s any kind of paperwork that I need to sign. I - I really can’t thank you enough for this, Allura…” 

 

“Of course there is paperwork, however, I am willing to go through it all with you. Also, do not thank me just yet. You are aware that these events will generally fall on holidays, quite often, yes? That will make it rather hard to visit family, or.. Well, I think you understand. That is something to consider. Also, your pay…” She flipped through a couple of papers. “Now, rates and such vary all over for this sort of thing, but it looks like the average per event…. Would $400 be acceptable?”

 

“Yeah, I - uh… don’t really have any family to visit, so I don’t think that that would be a problem.” He shook his head. “And - and $400 would be perfect.”

 

Allura shot a look at him but nodded. “Very well then, The first event will be on New Year’s Eve, as my uncle insists on suits for the events - I am afraid that you will need one, however.” She held up a finger. “I’m not an idiot, I know just enough about your situation. So consider this my Christmas gift to you. The day after Christmas, I will make you an appointment for a suit fitting. After that, any others are up to you.” She held out her hand. “Agreed?”

 

“I - I -- Allura that’s --” He stopped at the look on Allura’s face. “Uh… what I mean is -- Yeah, I agree. Thank you.”

 

“That’s better.” She shook his hand and pulled out a few papers. “If you are really so concerned with the gift…” The sly look from before crossed her face. “I will consider the possibility of letting you repay me… but, I’m rather hoping that you make someone else’s holiday a pleasant one.”

 

He could feel his face heat up under her gaze. “O - oh, uh… yeah. I’d -- that’d --” He cleared his throat. “I’d like to try…” 

 

“Excellent. Then shall we get this paperwork signed?” 

 

Kolivan nodded. “Yeah.”

 

***

 

Lance fiddled with the box, staring at it unhappily. It was rather plain, and the paper was only a simple purple color, but it was what he had, and he didn’t want to tip Kolivan off by having him buy fancy paper. He wanted the gift to be a surprise. But… he was also rather worried that Kolivan wouldn’t be visiting. He carried the box over and set it on the table, before scowling and heading for the kitchen. He needed something to do.

 

Kolivan fidgeted out in the hallway - he had another tenant let him in as they were leaving. After his talk with Allura, he had spent the past two days thinking over what he could possibly get for Lance as a gift. He had eventually settled on something --  _ but _ , he couldn’t help but think,  _  I hope it’s not too cliche…  _

 

He sighed before knocking on the door. Hopefully, Lance wouldn’t mind him visiting on the holiday… 

 

Lance looked up from the bowl he was mixing Allura’s present in. She wouldn’t get them for another couple of days, but he’d needed to do something. He set the bowl down and moved over to the door, before opening it and peering out the small space he made. “Oh!” Immediately, he opened the door wider. “Kolivan! Merry Christmas!”

 

Kolivan smiled; face already red. “Merry Christmas to you too, Lance. Um… can I come in?”

 

“Oh… of course!” He stepped back, taking the door with him so that Kolivan could enter. “It’s nice to see you. Have you… been okay?”

 

“Yeah, I’ve good - fantastic even.” He walked into the apartment. “Allura actually invited me in a few days ago, and uh… offered me a job.”

 

Lance’s face immediately lit up, and it took him a moment to close and lock the door. “That’s wonderful! I told you everything would work out!” he paused, then carefully patted Kolivan on the arm. “Speaking of Allura… I’m making her present. She fell in love with these.. Orange muffins I make.. If you stick around for a while, you can try one, I won’t even tell on you.”

 

Kolivan chuckled. “I’d love to stay, and uh -- I could help if you needed it?”

 

Lance frowned at the bowl. “Unlike those traitorous potatoes, these, I can make in my sleep. But, I’m always up for company… “He paused, carefully stirring the spoon in the bowl. “But…  thanks.”

 

“Of course, I’d love to keep you company. I just don’t want to get in the way of your baking.”

 

“Ah, just give me about five minutes, and I’m all yours, okay?” Lance paused again, then ducked his head. “If… if you want… you can… open your present?” He gestured toward the box with his spoon.

 

“Lance -- you didn’t have to get me anything…” 

 

“Nope. Not today! It is Christmas and I wanted to give you a present. No arguing. Christmas, Kolivan. Christ-mas.” 

 

Kolivan chuckled and held his hands up in mock surrender. “Okay, okay. I get it.” He smiled as Lance. “Of course I’ll open my present. But seriously, Lance -- you’ve already done so much for me.”

 

“ _ Christ-mas _ !” Lance stated, eyeing Kolivan. “Do not make me start telling you all the things I  _ could _ have gotten you instead of what I did.” He pointed to the box again. “Shoo, shoo.”

 

He smiled as he picked up the box; he moved back over to the table and gently tore the purple paper from the box. “Oh, Lance…” He gasped. Inside the box was a brand new duffel bag - along with a light blue scarf, expensive looking gloves, a pair of thick socks, and…  _ a paper? _

 

Kolivan read the note out loud,  _ ‘Ask what else?’ _ “Lance? What does this mean?”

 

The sound of the oven door closing, was immediately followed by beeping as Lance set a timer. He then shifted into the room with his usual shy smile on his face. “Well… I know you hate staying at the shelter… and it’s Christmas… so…” He tugged a bit on his sleeve. “I thought… I’d offer you my couch… if you wanted?”

 

“Oh, um… I wouldn’t want to inconvenience you…” He nervously looked around; licked his lips before he spoke. “I, um… yeah?” 

 

“Listen… I don’t want to make you uncomfortable… I just… thought it would be nice for you…  not to have to walk all that way… in the cold.” He rubbed at his forehead before looking up with a little smile. “Yeah? Okay…”

 

“I’m not uncomfortable. It’s just --” He gestured to his present. “This is so much and I --” He paused. “Can - can I give you my present now?” 

 

Lance blinked. “Um… okay? S-sure, if you want to…”

 

Kolivan couldn’t stop himself from reaching one hand out, settling two fingers under that thin chin and gently tilting it upward. As those bright eyes opened and looked up at him, he leaned down, and pressed his mouth to those soft lips like he’d been thinking of doing for months. There was a slight pause between the first and the second, still soft, delicate. A third, then quickly a fourth. 

 

In the barely there pause between the fourth and the fifth kiss, Lance’s mouth had relaxed and the fifth kiss was more pliant, lips clinging, extending the chaste contact. Finally, Kolivan drew just a bit away, letting his fingers trail from under Lance’s chin along his jaw, before spreading to cup his cheek. 

 

“Lance…”

 

Lance blinked, before a shy, wobbly smile grew on his face. His left hand slowly curled around Kolivan’s bicep. “O - one more… Please?”

 

He chuckled. “You can have as many as you’d like.” Kolivan closed the couple of inches of space to kiss Lance again. Lance sucked in a breath right before their mouths connected and it would have taken a far better man than Kolivan to resist that small part between Lance’s lips. He shifted, to let their mouths slide together a bit easier, and slowly parted his own lips to let his tongue glide across Lance’s bottom lip. 

 

Lance’s grip tightened on Kolivan’s arm but his mouth opened just a fraction more, and Kolivan wasted no time in slipping his tongue in to map Lance’s mouth. He had no idea how long he stood there, kissing Lance before he finally pulled away.

 

Lance’s eyes were closed, and his cheeks were red, but his left hand was still gripping Kolivan’s arm and his other was curled in Kolivan’s shirt. 

 

Kolivan pulled back a few inches, and smiled as he placed another small kiss on the corner of Lance’s lips. “Merry Christmas…” 

 

Lance opened his eyes and flushed a bit more. “I think… your present was better…”

 

Kolivan licked his lips. “We’re going to have to agree to disagree on that one -- your present was just -- Lance, that was the best present I’ve ever gotten.”

 

“I… um…” He finally let his hands fall to his sides, and ducked his head a bit. “Y - yeah…  agree to disagree…” He shifted, nervous. “I… didn’t know… you liked me too?”

 

“Lance… How could I  _ not _ like you? You’re so amazing and strong and brave and -- and, I could honestly go on forever.” Kolivan leaned down to give him another quick kiss. “It’s -- I’m still finding it hard to believe that someone like you would like someone like me…” 

 

Lance opened his mouth…  _ BUZZ! _  The timer started blaring from the kitchen, and Lance clapped both hands over his mouth and looked up at Kolivan with wide eyes before snickering. He slowly shifted away and turned off the buzzer before pulling the pan out of the oven. He turned it off, before going right back to stand in front of Kolivan.

 

“As I was going to say…” He fidgeted. “I’m not that great, but… I am glad there is something you like about me… but… there isn’t anything wrong with you…”

 

“I think we’re going to have to agree to disagree again. Lance --  _ that’s  _ one of the many things I lo--  _ like _ about you. Your ability to look past all that I’m going through right now. You’re honestly too good to be true.”

 

Lance hesitated, actually raised one hand and pulled it back to his chest before, placing it on Kolivan’s chest and using it to lean up and press a very light kiss to his cheek, right over his scar. “I still don’t see anything wrong with you.” He shrugged, and shoved both hands in his pockets, his cheeks flushed. 

 

He blushed; “Like I said -- ‘too good to be true.’”

 

Lance cleared his throat. “Um… sorry.” He ducked his head a little, running an hand over his hair. “I’m um… not very good at… telling what’s okay… anymore… So, you’ll have to tell me… alright?”

 

“I think -- We’ll both have to learn what’s okay together. How’s that sound?”

 

“Yeah… okay..” He smiled just a bit. “So… do you maybe… want to talk about it…?” He smiled just a bit wider. “I can get us coffee?”

 

Kolivan smiled back. “Yeah… coffee sounds great.”

 

Lance nodded, then paused, stretching out his hand. “Well… give me your mug then. If you’re staying here… you may as well use it, right?” A little worry line appeared at the corner of his mouth. “I know it’s a silly mug, but it was the biggest I had…” 

 

“It’s not silly; I love it.” He turned and leaned down to grab it from his bag on the floor. “I, uh -- haven’t really had a chance to clean it again…” He handed it to Lance. 

 

Lance shook his head, looking over the silly drawing. “That really doesn’t bother me, you know… When I was younger, I was always outside getting dirty. Washing a cup doesn’t scare me.” He turned and went into the kitchen. 

 

Kolivan looked sheepish. “I know, but still… It’s embarrassing to me that I’m not always able to wash it.”

 

Lance looked up from his place at the sink. “Well, it really shouldn’t be… it’s not like you can wash it with the power of your mind… although… that would be really cool…” He smiled, just a bit, before setting the now clean mug down on the counter. “Would you rather just… use one of mine? So… yours can stay clean?”

 

“No… thanks, but… I’ve gotten to be very attached to my mug.” He smiled nervously. 

 

“Okay…” Lance pulled a mug down for himself, and eventually set Kolivan’s in front of him, holding his own a little nervously. “So… I haven’t um… done this in a while..”

 

“I, uh… haven’t either…” Kolivan grabbed his mug and pulled it closer to himself. “So… what is ‘this,’ exactly? I mean -- What do you want it to be? I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”  

 

Lance froze, mug halfway to his mouth. “Um… take your pick? I mean…” He set the cup down, and dragged a hand over his face. “I haven’t had a serious talk with anyone for a while, I haven’t dated anyone for a while, I haven’t had anyone kiss me in a while… Shit… take your pick.” He slumped into a chair. 

 

“Hmm… Why don’t we talk about the kissing part first? You, uh -- you liked the kisses, right?”

 

“Did I like the…” Lance stared. “Um, yes. Have you seen you? You’re like… really attractive…  and… good at kissing….”

 

“O - oh.” It was Kolivan’s turn to blush. “Umm… I? Thank you? I - I mean -- you’re pretty good at kissing too.”

 

Lance covered his face with his hands. “Oh my god…” He kept his face covered for a long minute before he peeked out between his fingers. “Okay… so I’m bad at this. I… don’t know what to say.”

 

“We’ve -- we, uh… could talk about the whole dating part, now? Like - are we dating? Or not? And what about, uh… if we  _ are _ dating, does that make us b - boyfriend's?” Kolivan couldn’t help but stumble over his words; embarrassed, he ducked his head closer to his mug.

 

Lance choked a little then put his mug back down again. His face had started to turn a little red before his expression fell. “I… would… like to date… but I can’t anymore… I don’t expect anyone to give up things just to hang out here with me all day. So… As much as I’d like it… I don’t know how we could.”

 

“Lance -- I wouldn’t be giving anything up. Just because we can’t go out on a date, doesn’t mean that I couldn’t bring the date here to you. But, like I said… I don’t want you to be uncomfortable so… we could just stay friends?”

 

Lance’s face fell even more. “God… I’m stupid. I’m so sorry. I should have just… never said anything. Why would anyone want to waste their time…”

 

“Hey, no…” Kolivan reached out to put a hand on Lance’s shoulder. “I didn’t mean -- I just --” He sighed and started again. “What I meant was - that I’d respect whatever boundaries that you might have when it comes to d - dating. I just -- want you to be completely comfortable with whatever  ‘this’ is.” Kolivan gestured between the two of them. “I don’t want you to feel like I’ve pressured you into anything.”  

 

“And I won’t want to let you down because I can’t go out to dinner or a movie, or even on a walk…” Lance shook his head. “What would we even do?” He looked up, then immediately back down. “I… um… I l - like you a lot. You’ve been… really nice and I love having you here, and… it was fun cooking with you… but… that’s boring after a while..”

 

Kolivan shook his head. “No, that’s not boring at all. I - I like spending time here with you. I honestly couldn’t care less what we do -- we could sit and watch movies all the time, and that would be perfectly fine with me.”

 

Lance raised his head just a bit. “Y - yeah? You… mean it?”

 

“Yeah, I do.”

 

“I’d like… to try… but you have to promise to tell me if… you change your mind… Okay?”

 

Kolivan smiled. “Of course, but -- I don’t think that I’m ever going to change my mind.” 

 

***

 

“Here you go!” 

 

Kolivan sat there - dumbfounded - as he held the check in his hands. He had to bring it closer to his face to double check the amount. “And this -- this is correct?”

 

His Rep nodded. “Yes, yes. That’s correct - $1569.00.” He leaned forward, resting his elbows on the desk in between them. “This should be enough to help you get back on your feet. Now -- what you need to do is go down to the bank - whichever bank you prefer - and open yourself a checking account again. That way we can have this direct deposited for you so that you don’t have to make the trip up here every month.” He stood, and brushed his hands against his pants; he held his hand out to shake Kolivan’s hand. “I’m sorry that this took us as long as it did, but I’m glad that we’ve finally gotten this all squared away for you.”

 

Kolivan stood, and grabbed his duffel bag; he shook his rep’s hand as he was led outside the office. “Uh, yeah. Thank you.” He folded the check and slipped it inside his bag. 

 

“No. thank  _ you,  _ and like I said -- I’m sorry about the wait.”

 

Kolivan waved him off. “It’s -- don’t worry about it. I just --” He patted his bag. “I should probably get to the bank…” 

 

“Of course, of course.” 

 

Kolivan nodded to the receptionist as he left the building and stopped as he stood on the sidewalk in front of the office building. He scrubbed at his eyes with the back of his hands; he refused to cry out in the open like this. 

 

_ No _ , he had things he needed to do.  

 

***

 

He had spent maybe a half hour at the bank - just enough time to set up a checking account and to deposit the majority of his check. 

 

With that done, Kolivan had more than enough money in his pocket that he would be able to afford a cheap hotel room for a few nights. He’d still have to figure out a more permanent living arrangement, but there wasn’t much that he could due to the broken lease from his previous apartment. 

 

_ For now though _ , He looked down at his watch. He hadn’t realized the time - it was almost five pm - he should find himself a place to stay for the night. He didn’t want to bother Lance with something like this -- if anything, it would be a nice surprise to be able to show up clean and freshly shaven instead of having to rely on him for simple necessities. 

 

He got lucky - the bank that he had gone too was in a small strip mall. There were plenty of buses around him now that he’d be able to take his pick and find a cheap hotel. 

 

A short, twenty minute ride, and a ten minute wait later, and Kolivan found himself standing in the room he had rented himself for the next few days. It wasn’t much - certainly not the nicest hotel around, but much better than the shelter or sleeping on the streets. 

 

He grabbed his clothes from his bag and gathered them up to wash -- one of the reasons that he had picked this hotel was for its complimentary laundry room. It should only take him about an hour to completely wash and dry the few things he had in his arms, and after that he could finally take a shower. He wanted to get one now, but was loathe to put his dirty clothes back on. 

 

It’s after he returns from doing his laundry and having taken his shower; that it dawns on Kolivan that he has no way of contacting Lance. After a quick look at the clock on the bedside table, he realized how late it’s become.  _ I’ll try to visit him tomorrow, _ he thought to himself. 

 

There was still so much that he needed to do.

 

***

 

It’s several days later -- long full days of fruitless apartment hunting, that he remembered again that he  _ still _ hasn’t seen Lance. 

 

He pulled his tie off -- he had just gotten back from working for Allura. It was… nice, to feel like he was finally getting his life back together. It would take some time to get completely back on his feet, but he was doing it… slowly.

 

_ Hmmm… I could probably afford a cheap cellphone or something - to at least be able to contact Lance…  _

 

It’s been nice, though -- to be able to have a semi-stable roof over his head, a few solid workouts at the local gym, and most importantly - to him, at least - showers and the ability to have clean clothes.

 

It had been a busy few days since getting his first check, and he’s ashamed of himself for not getting to see Lance, but he’ll change that tomorrow -- first thing in the morning. 

 

Kolivan misses him;  _ I just hope that he’ll be able to forgive me for just disappearing like that… _

 

* * *

 

Lance sighed as he rested his head against the back of his chair. He looked at his current picture before he tore it out of the sketchbook and wadded it up, dropping it onto the steadily growing pile. For the first time in years, he didn’t really feel like drawing. He’d managed to get his work finished, but the sketches and doodles he usually used to fill his day, just… were not keeping his attention. He was just too worried to concentrate. 

 

He hadn’t seen any sign of Kolivan since Christmas. He had hoped that he would see him over New Years, but the day had passed silently. It was the third now, nine days later, and Lance hadn’t been able to shake the feeling that something was wrong. He’d finally caved the day before and requested a delivery of groceries, but other than the new delivery man, Lance hadn’t seen anyone other than Allura. 

 

She would be visiting again in a couple of days, and she’d know immediately that something was wrong, but Lance really hoped that she would just… leave it alone. He felt like an idiot, and no matter how well meaning she might be, any offers to help would only make him feel worse.  Especially since… It was likely all Lance’s fault. 

 

It was… easier to think that than to consider all the things that could have happened to Kolivan. Lance knew that very well, after two full days filled with panic attacks, one of which that was so bad, Lance barely had the energy to leave his room. As sad as it made him, it was just better to think that he had said or done something to make Kolivan keep his distance. 

 

Kolivan had promised him, during their talk that he would tell Lance if he got bored, or changed his mind, but they hadn’t mentioned what might happen if one of them got upset or mad at the other. He should have tried harder to explain that he was terrible at knowing where the lines were. Maybe Lance should have reached out more? Offered more touches? But, Lance used to be pretty affectionate before the accident, and he clearly remembered that not everyone had appreciated that about him. So he’d stopped, not that there was really anyone to touch anymore… 

 

Maybe… he’d talked to much and not listened enough? That had been another thing people had mentioned before. Maybe… Lance should have ask about Kolivan more… learned more about him instead of just… talking his ear off…

 

Lance tossed his sketchbook on the drawing table and sighed again. This was getting him nowhere. Obviously, he’d done  _ something _ , and he was likely never going to know what that was. Thinking about it wasn’t doing him any good and he couldn’t change it now. 

 

He stood, chewing on his lip as he looked around his apartment. Maybe -- maybe it was time for Lance to make some changes. Out with the old and all that. Just because his New Year hadn’t gone as he planned, didn’t mean he had to sit and stew about it. He took a shaky breath and headed for his room. He’s learned his lesson. Normal things, just weren’t for people like him. He was going to throw out everything he didn’t or couldn’t use, and start over. Then, he was going to focus on his work. Allura had been pressing him for something new lately, it was about time he stopped trying for things he couldn’t have and focus on the things he could have. He’d start with his clothes, he had so many things he’d been too hopeful to throw out before. But, he was going to pull his head out of the clouds and start focusing on reality. 

 

* * *

 

Kolivan had gotten lucky again - someone had been leaving Lance’s building, so they had let him in the front door. He wanted to surprise Lance; there had been a small flower shop on one of the streets that he had had to walk past so he picked up a small bouquet of wildflowers for Lance as a sort of apology for having disappeared.

 

He paused in front of Lance’s door -- it was slightly ajar.  _ Oh God, I hope he’s alright.  _ Kolivan pushed the door open the rest of the way, and called into the apartment. “Lance? Lance -- Where are you? It’s - It’s me, Kolivan…” 

 

Lance’s apartment was honestly a mess. Clothes were half dumped into boxes that littered the floor, his drawing table was covered in crumpled balls of paper, and there was a large box near the door, full of paints, charcoal, and various other art supplies. Lance’s room door was open and a shoe came sailing out of the room, landing neatly into one of the boxes, immediately followed by its mate. 

 

When Lance finally appeared, he looked just as bad at the apartment did. His hair was sticking up all over, and he had dark circles under his eyes. His t-shirt was wrinkled and he didn’t even have shoes on. But, he had a large box, full of what looked like books, that he immediately dropped all over the floor when he saw Kolivan standing there. 

 

“Wh - what?”

 

Kolivan stood there; his arm that had been holding the flowers drooped down to his side. “Lance? What, uh… what happened here?”

 

Lance’s mouth opened and closed several times, but no sound actually came out. He blinked, rubbed his eyes then stared at Kolivan. “Are… you…” He froze, then looked around his apartment. “Oh… um… I was just… keeping busy…”

 

Kolivan took a step forward and looked around. “Just keeping busy? It looks like a tornado came through here…” He stepped over some books that had fallen out of the box that Lance had been carrying. Sheepishly, he held up the flowers that he had almost dropped. “U - umm… these - these are for you. I, uh… as an apology for disappearing the last few days. My, uh… benefits finally came through and - and then I had to work that event for Allura and - and that’s no excuse, but yeah… I’m sorry.”

 

Lance carefully reached out and took the little bundle of flowers, before he ducked his head. “Oh… that’s…” He shook his head, a frown tugging at the corners of his mouth. “I, um… you don’t have to apologize.” His voice was low, before he suddenly raised his head, a wide false smile plastered on his face. “That’s really great that you got your benefits… and your job is good?” He felt like an idiot. 

 

“Yeah, uh… yeah. It’s good. But it’s not okay, and I  _ do _ have to apologize. I just -- got caught up in everything and - and…” Kolivan ducked his head. “I missed you and I feel like shit for not having called or came over sooner…”  

 

Lance flinched slightly, but shook his head. “It’s… really okay. I mean… Of course you had a lot to do… and it was probably really nice not to have to worry so much…” He held the flowers a little tighter. “I should… go put these in water, yeah? S - sorry… about the mess…” He bit his lip to keep his stupid worries to himself. He  was stupid to not have considered that Kolivan had been busy. _ Of course, he’d have more important things to do. _

 

Kolivan followed after Lance as he walked into the kitchen to grab water for the flowers. Once Lance was finished with that, Kolivan leaned closer to him. “I, uh…”   _ God, I wish I wasn’t this awkward….  _ “I missed you so much, and - and I’m never going to be able to apologize enough for making you worry like this. It seems like we’ve still got a lot to work on, huh?” he rubbed his hand across the back of his neck, disrupting the placement of the small braid resting on his shoulders. “Can - can we -- can I, uh… kiss you?”

 

Lance shifted, eyes still fixed on the flowers. “I… didn’t think you would still want too…” Lance froze, then immediately backpedaled “I - I mean -- I was just being stupid, and I thought I might have… made you mad, and um, that was just me being stupid like I said… and…  _ Fuck _ .” 

 

One hand latched onto the counter, while the other curled tightly into his own hair. “God.. I’m sorry… I’m so sorry. Of course not everything is about me.. And that is so selfish of me to think like that… and… I --” Abruptly he slapped both hands over his mouth to keep from talking. 

 

Kolivan’s hand hovered over Lance’s shoulder. “Lance… I -- Hey, no. None of that. No, it was insensitive of me to just disappear like that. I should’ve called you as soon as I had gotten my hotel room. I wanted to! I just -- I didn’t have your phone number and it was late…” He let his hand drop to his side and hung his head. “I am so, so sorry for making you feel like I didn’t want this anymore -- didn’t want you anymore.” Kolivan shook his head. “It’s not selfish -- it was selfish what I did to you.” 

 

Lance shook his head, slowly pulling his hands away. “No… I’m pretty sure it was my fault.” He sighed, slumping against the counter, head down. “I shouldn’t have… talked so much, or listened to you more… I should have… touched you more, instead of…” He shook his head again. “I shouldn’t have immediately assumed something bad had happened, and worried so much. You’re strong after all…” 

 

“I love listening to you talk, and you listen to me all the time.” He gently put his hands on Lance’s shoulders. “And we’ve got all the time in the world to touch each other. You also had every right to think that something had happened to me -- that was a shit move on my part to just pack up and disappear like that.” 

 

Lance tensed at the touch, but almost immediately jerked forward. He closed the small space and curled his arms around Kolivan, hiding his face as best he could. “I’m sorry… I’m so sorry… I was sure… so very sure, I’d scared you off, and I had to stop thinking… just… shut it all off and so I thought…” His next words were mumbled into Kolivan’s shirt.

 

Kolivan tightened his arms around Lance. “Sshh… no. You’re never going to scare me away…” He ran his hand up and down Lance’s back. “I’m sorry I made you feel that way. If you’ll give me the chance to make it up to you? I’d like to try…”   

 

Lance took a breath, but he spoke just loud enough for Kolivan to hear him, despite keeping his face hidden. “I - I don’t ever want you to go.” His grip tightened just a bit before he made himself relax. “But… I - I promised myself I wouldn’t-- live in dreams anymore. Things are going to be good for you now, and I’m happy about that.. I am. I just wonder how long… it will be before you realize.. I’m dragging you down…” 

 

He pulled his head back to try to look at Lance. “Hey, no. You’re never going to drag me down -- never…” He leaned down to press a kiss to the top of Lance’s head.  

 

“I’m sorry…” Lance’s words were softer now. Hesitant, because it was so much easier to admit his fears and worries than it was he reasons behind those fears. “You shouldn’t feel like you have to say that to make me feel better… I’m just… tired. I’m tired of always wondering how I will mess up next.. Tired of worrying what it is I’m going to let get away from me this time… I’m… So tired of losing people I love… I just… want to be happy… with you…”

 

“Trust me, I’m not just saying that to make you feel better -- I mean it. And everyone messes up, we can always work on it together…” He smiled down at Lance, face red again. “And, um… the people you love? Would that, uh -- include me?”   

 

Lance mumbled, into Kolivan’s shirt, still refusing to raise his head up. “Of course, it includes you… I was so worried that… I’d lost you before I even really got you… I panicked so much I spent all of New Year’s in bed because I was sure I wasn’t going to see you anymore… I didn’t care that I didn’t want to draw anymore… I just… wanted to see you…”

 

Kolivan hugged him tighter again. “You’re not going to be able to get rid of me that easily.” He kissed the top of Lance’s head again. “How about I help you clean up a little?”

 

Finally, Lance peeked up at Kolivan. “Clean up…? Oh…” His face was red, but Lance wasn’t really sure if it was because he’d just spilled so much at once or because he was just now realizing that his apartment looked like he was halfway through moving out. “Um… I was… Going to donate it all… Since.. I…” He buried his face again. 

 

Kolivan cocked his head to the side. “Since you… what?”

 

“Since… I didn’t really need… any of it?” 

 

“Why don’t you need any of it?”

 

“Well….” Lance finally drew back, letting go and staring at the floor. “Remember how I said… I was going to stop… dreaming so much?  I, um… don’t need all the clothes… or stuff… because… I was --” He took a breath then hesitantly looked up. “Because, I was just going to stop wishing for things that weren’t going to happen… I mean… Allura doesn’t care what I look like… And I… thought you were gone so… why bother?”

 

“Lance… please. Don’t ever stop dreaming. This is your stuff -- if you want it, keep it; no one is going to force you to get rid of it.” Kolivan ran his hand down Lance’s back. “Allura cares and I care.”

 

“I’m… sorry…”

 

“No need to apologize. Now -- do you want to get rid of this stuff? Or would you rather keep it? Whatever you decide, I’d be more than happy to help.”

 

Lance shook his head. “I… don’t know. I just…” He shook his head again. “I probably shouldn’t decide anything right now… I’m… so happy you came back, but I’m not… Really convinced that everything I thought up is… Completely wrong…” He shifted, one hand coming up to wrap around his own arm. “I --” He swallowed, hard, then took a deep breath and just blurted it out. “I kind of just want to cuddle with you…. but, I don’t know if that’s… okay?”

 

“Of course that’s okay. We can… watch a movie - if you’d like?”

 

“Sure… um… I’ll clean off the couch… and you pick?”

 

“Sounds like a plan. Oh! Let me go lock the front door - I think I left it open.” Kolivan smiled as he followed Lance into the living room. After shutting and locking the front door, he walked over and crouched in front of the television to grab a movie from underneath it; he held up a DVD case and turned towards Lance. “How about this one?”

 

Lance looked up and immediately wondered why the hell he even owned that movie. The Exorcist stared back at him, before he looked up at Kolivan with a shrug. “Honestly? That movie scares the shit out of me, but… scary movies are good for the whole… cuddling thing… so as long as you don’t mind me cowering in your lap…” 

Kolivan chuckled. “That sounds fine by me.” He winked at Lance; “You did say you wanted to cuddle.”

 

Lance flushed, and sharply turned around to shove the last of the things from the couch and onto the floor before dropping down to try and hide his embarrassment. “Yeah… but… there is a difference between cuddling and clinging… and I’m not too good at… knowing that difference.”

 

Kolivan waved his hand as he walked over to the couch. “Cling or cuddle -- it makes no difference to me.”

 

Lance blinked then watched Kolivan like a hawk until he was settled on the couch before he smiled just a little. “Okay… well… since you said that…. and I know how I am with this movie…”

 

He wasted no time crawling into Kolivan’s lap, wrapping his arm around his middle and burying his face into his shoulder. “I’m not moving.”

 

Kolivan brought his arms up around Lance’s waist. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.” He leaned down to kiss Lance’s cheek. 

 

The movie was roughly two hours long, and halfway through it Lance had practically crawled up Kolivan. Not only were both his arms wrapped tightly around him, now his face was buried in Kolivan’s neck. He jumped just a bit with every sound, but true to his words did not move from his spot. 

 

He sighed as he shifted a little lower onto the couch to accommodate Lance’s weight; He ran his hand up and down Lance’s back every time he jumped. 

 

Kolivan chuckled as Lance jumped again and kissed the top of his head. “Why do you even have this movie if it terrifies you this much?”

 

Despite the awkward position, Lance still shrugged. “I dunno… I order a lot of things. I think I watched it once?” He burrowed a little closer and kissed the skin he was hiding in. “It’s better with you here, though…”

 

Kolivan pulled Lance even closer to him. “Yeah, it’s pretty great being here too.” He sighed as Lance shifted again; Kolivan moved his hands down to Lance’s hips. “Sorry, just --”

 

The sudden hands latching onto his hips actually made Lance leave his hiding spot to look up at Kolivan. Now, Lance was a lot of things. But one thing he was not was an idiot. Those hands were warm and firm keeping Lance from jumping. Which made the not exactly subtle signs of interest obvious. Lance’s face flooded with red, but he did poke Kolivan softly to get his attention. “Um… Do you want me to move… or stay?” 

 

Kolivan could feel his face heat up. “U - umm… you --” He cleared his throat. “You can -- you can… stay if you’d like…”  

 

Lance considered, for an entire three seconds before he tucked his face, right back into Kolivan’s neck. “Well… given that I dropped an entire box of art paper when you borrowed my shower before…. Because my brain would not stop thinking about you  _ in _ my shower…”

 

“O - oh!” Kolivan shifted again, and clenched his fingers into the hem of Lance’s shirt. “I - Is that so?” 

 

Lance nodded and shyly explained. “I mean… I already knew I liked you… and… I do kind of have… an…” He swallowed. “Overactive imagination. I’m really surprised… you didn’t hear me moaning…”

 

Kolivan ran his hands up under Lance’s shirt; he scratched lightly at his hips as Lance moved once again. He sighed as Lance continued to move against him. “You’re -  _ ah _ \- you’re going to be the end of me, I swear…” 

 

Lance lifted his head back up, eyes fixed on Kolivan’s face. “I don’t want that… but… If I can admit that I love you… then… I can… admit I… want you too?” His face grew redder at the admission, and as much as he wanted to hide his face again, Lance made himself keep eye contact. 

 

“Shit, Lance.” Kolivan groaned as he raked his nails up Lance’s side. “ _ Fuck _ , yeah I love you too. Can I -- can I kiss you?”

 

Lance’s face lit up. “You… love me too?” He smiled, wide and happy before he pressed a shy kiss to corner of Kolivan’s mouth. “Yes. I… want you to. I…” He bit his lip then took a breath. “You can… kiss me… anytime…”

 

“Of course I love you -- how could I not?” Kolivan leaned forward to finally press his lips against Lance’s. In between each kiss Kolivan pulled back just far enough to say, “you’re smart; you’re kind; you’re talented; you’re strong; you’re gorgeous.”

 

Lance was sure he had never ever been so embarrassed in his life. He was basically making out on his couch to what was probably his least favorite movie, while the guy he adored covered him in kisses and compliments. Not to mention the fact that he was, by this point, just as interested as Kolivan seemed to be. It had been a long time since Lance had someone to do this with. “Koli…  _ van _ .” He was caught in another kiss before he was able to speak again. “Can I… I want to… Can I touch you?”

 

Kolivan kissed him again; taking his time to lick into Lance’s mouth. He pulled away with a groan. “You -  _ ah _ \- you don’t have to ask.” He shifted even lower into the couch and pulled Lance closer. His hips jumped as Lance settled his weight fully onto his lap.

 

Lance trailed one hand, from Kolivan’s shoulder where it had been curled into his shirt, slowly down the front of his chest. His touch was light, hesitant, but he moved his fingers along, trailing over muscles that were hidden away from view by the shirt. His fingers drifted over defined abs, much like they did when he was shading his art, before he paused, then let them follow the exact same path back up, only underneath the barrier of the shirt, letting his fingertips brush along all that warm skin. 

 

He followed the lines of muscle, circled a nipple with his fingertips, and finally let his hand press flat against Kolivan’s chest, slowly moving it back down. “God…”

 

“ _ Shit _ , yeah.” Kolivan bit off a moan as Lance’s hand trailed up his chest. He grabbed Lance’s hips again as he thrust his hips up. Moaning at the friction, Kolivan leaned forward and pressed open mouthed kisses on Lance’s neck. He bit down as Lance scraped his nails over his nipple. “L - _ ahnce… _ ”

 

“Ah…  _ Oh _ …” Lance whined just a bit when those teeth bit down, but, lord, had anything ever felt that good? It had likely been years since he was this turned on. Touching Kolivan’s warm skin and feeling all those muscles, even getting manhandled around only made it all seem hotter. He’d just leaned forward for another kiss when a sudden scream from the movie caused him to jerk backward. He ended up, with his ass firmly pressed to the bulge of Kolivan’s cock, one hand slightly behind him for support and the other pressed to his own heart. “ _ Fuck! _ ”

 

Kolivan tightened his hold so Lance wouldn’t fall off his lap. Fingers digging into Lance’s sides, his hands clenched as Lance ground down onto his cock. He thrust his hips up again as he held onto Lance. “ _ Ah - ah _ .” He pulled a hand away to grab at Lance’s crumpled shirt. “T - take this off. I wanna see you…”  __

 

Lance moaned at the press of Kolivan’s cock against his ass. “I… you feel…. good.” He pulled on his shirt, getting it caught with it over his head but twisted around his arms. He cursed, wiggling around to get it all the way off, before he finally pulled it free and threw it to the ground. “Oh…” He froze at the expression Kolivan had, before he hesitantly wiggled just a bit more. 

 

Kolivan ran his hands up Lance’s sides - stopping to drag his thumb across a nipple. “Shit, Lance. You’re so beautiful.” He leaned forward to drag his tongue across Lance’s collar bone and bit down at the base of his neck; he worried the bit of skin between his teeth as Lance continued to writhe in his lap. His hips jerked in aborted thrusts every time Lance moaned and whimpered. His left hand continued to toy with Lance’s nipple while he lightly scratched his way down Lance’s chest with his right hand. Kolivan’s hand stopped to play with the button on Lance’s jeans. “How about we get you out of these now, too?” He purred into Lance’s ear. 

 

Lance panted, but nodded, planting one hand one Kolivan’s chest to push him back slightly. “Yeah… just… stop looking so hot for a minute…  _ Jesus _ .” Lance took his own opportunity to kiss Kolivan. He curled his tongue into his mouth as his hips raised up slightly. Lance broke the kiss to wiggle around just enough to slide his pants down without actually moving from his spot on Kolivan’s lap. It took a couple of minutes before he was straddling Kolivan in nothing but his pale blue boxers. 

 

He raked his eyes up and down Lance’s body; eyes stopping at the tent in his boxers. There was already a small wet spot forming on the front. “Damn…” Kolivan leaned back to pop open the button of his own jeans and flicked the zipper down in hopes to relieve some of the pressure on his cock; he palmed himself with his right hand and reached towards Lance with his left. 

 

Kolivan ran his hand across Lance’s hip and dragged his thumb across the wet spot; he felt Lance jerk in his lap. “Feel good?”

 

Lance moaned at the touch, low and much louder than he thought. “Oh - oh my  _ God _ … What - what kind of question is that?” He shifted his hips again, then paused, something catching his attention. Right over Kolivan’s hip, where his shirt had risen was a thin white scar. Lance bent, pressing his lips to it softly, then trailed the tip of his tongue along it. “Mmmm… you taste good…” He pressed a couple more soft kisses to the scar before his hands were back on Kolivan’s stomach, trailing across skin,searching out any other scars and marks, before he moved the shirt up, kissing one that was on his side, and another that trailed along his ribcage. 

 

“You… I can’t believe… How handsome you are…”

 

Kolivan’s hips bucked as Lance mouthed along his stomach and chest; his breath hitched as Lance kissed along one of the many scars that ran across his chest. “It’s -  _ hah  _ \- a completely val-valid question.” He raised his hand to scratch along Lance’s scalp, lightly gripping at the short hairs on the nape of his neck. “ _ Mmmm… _ ” Kolivan stretched back against the cushions and reached down to quickly discard his shirt. With that now out of his way, he leaned towards Lance again; he nipped across his neck only stopping to pull at his ear with his teeth. “Fu -  _ uck Lance! _ ”

 

“Kolivan…” Lance breathed out as the shirt was dragged up and off and finally…  _ Finally _ , Lance got to see that gorgeously muscled chest, stretched out before him. Before Lance could actually get his hands, or his mouth on it again, Kolivan was tugging on his earlobe and practically growling his name. 

 

“I - I…” Lance shook his head a little, to try and clear it from the haze, before he caught Kolivan’s face in his hands, and kissed him, taking his time, before he slowly pulled away until there was just an inch of space in between them. “I… you… feel… really good against me…” He leaned back a bit more. “Can I… feel you… on top of me too? I just… wanna…” He pressed the curve of his ass down hard against Kolivan’s cock. “Feel you…”

 

Kolivan groaned as Lance ground down against his cock. “ _ Shit _ . Just --” He grabbed Lance’s waist again as he rolled them over. Placing Lance down across the couch he hovered over him. Lance was a mess - his chest dotted with quickly forming bruises from his mouth and there were small red welts from where he had scratched his nails across his stomach leading up to his nipples. “Fuck Lance, you’re gorgeous.” Kolivan growled before he sealed their mouths together; he moaned as Lance deepened the kiss. Breaking away, he ground his hips down into Lance’s and groaned as he felt his cock twitch from the friction.

 

Wrestling one hand free, Kolivan pulled his jeans lower - only able to get them down around his knees - before he resumed thrusting against Lance. “ _ Ahhh Fuck _ … you’re so good Lance.” 

 

Lance was trying and failing to hold a thought longer than a second. It felt even better with Kolivan caging him in with his arms on either side, and that wonderful pressure was  _ almost _ perfect. He pressed openmouthed kisses over whatever skin he could reach; Kolivan’s neck, his chest, his arms. Before an idea struck him and  _ stuck _ .

 

Lance looked up at Kolivan with an absolute wicked grin before his hands, which had been happily settled in the mess that was Kolivan’s hair, vanished. Between one thrust and the next, Lance had worked his hands down between them to curl one of them around Kolivan’s cock while the other was steadily working his own boxers off.

 

He kept his hand steady, before he slowly moved his hand up, tightening as he went, then just as slowly eased his hand back down. He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Kolivan’s cheek, chaste and sweet, before repeating the motion with his hand again. 

 

Kolivan jolted; his elbow wobbling. “Shi --  _ Fuck! _ ” He shuddered as Lance continued to slowly jerk him off. He raised his arm to grab Lance’s face; his grip was clumsy as he palmed at the side of Lance’s head. He managed to angle Lance’s face up towards his and all but attacked his mouth; he pulled at his bottom lip before licking into Lance’s mouth. Their tongues slid against each other; Kolivan reluctantly pulled away to pant wetly against the side of Lance’s face as the hand around his cock tightened.

 

The kiss was wild, all heat and pressure, slick tongues twisting together. Lance shifted, pushing his own hips up just enough to finally work his boxers down and press his cock against the hand that was curled around Kolivan. While his left hand kept it’s slow motions, his right, trailed up Kolivan’s side, and curled into the tangled strands of what was once a braid. 

 

He loosened his grip, rubbing his fingers lightly against the head before he smirked, and slipped two fingers into the slit of Kolivan’s boxers to trail them lightly up and over Kolivan’s cock. He ended up accidently popping the little button off, but managed to wrap his hand around just Kolivan’s cock this time. “You feel… amazing…”

 

“Fuck, Lance I --” Kolivan couldn’t think straight; he could feel the callouses on Lance’s hands as he gripped him. He bucked his hips and gasped as he ground against Lance. “Let me -- I-I need to -- to feel you…”  

 

Fingers carefully unwound from the tangled strand of hair, as Lance caught Kolivan’s hand with his right one, and spread his legs just a bit more, bringing his knees up. “Yeah… I - I want you too…” He dragged Kolivan’s hand with his, before settling it on his now bare hip. 

 

He also uncurled the fingers of his left hand, letting the tips of them just brush Kolivan’s balls. “Ugh… take these off too?”

 

Kolivan nodded and gulped. “Y - yeah, let’s --” He leaned back, one foot on the floor - to push his jeans and boxers down; they tangled around his ankle.  _ Good enough…   _

 

He kneeled back on the couch - one leg still on the ground - as he ran his hand up Lance’s leg. He hummed as Lance’s legs fell open even more. Grinning down at him, Kolivan ran his fingers teasingly across Lance’s balls; he could feel Lance tense as he rolled them in his hand. 

 

His own cock throbbed as he finally gripped Lance; he pumped his hand from base to tip and collected the beads of precum gathered at the tip. He lightly dug his thumb into the slit as Lance jerked underneath him. His other hand came down to gently tease at Lance’s hole as he continued to pump his hand, twisting on every upstroke. 

 

“Oh, _ sweet _ mother of God --  **_Fuck_ ** !” Lance’s hands jerked up, curled around Kolivan’s shoulders and dug in hard. One leg raised, curling around Kolivan’s hip and hooking around to keep him in place. He keened, the sound high pitched and sharp, as he rocked slightly into those incredibly gentle and talented hands. 

 

He finally uncurled his hand; snaked it back down, wrapping it back around Kolivan’s cock and curled his fingers tightly, working his hand a bit faster than before. “I’m… I… Kolivan… I… ” He jerked at another press to his hole, before he tensed; his hand tightened just a bit more and Lance was gone.

 

Kolivan tightened his hand around Lance’s cock; he started to pump faster. Leaning down until he was next to Lance’s ear, he licked the skin right underneath it and whispered, “go on. C’mon Lance. Cum for me, Let me hear you…” He felt Lance’s cock twitch and he bit down on the shell of his ear as Lance tensed. 

 

Lance squeezed his eyes shut, and that bite to his ear, in addition to the helpful twist at the end of that last stroke, did it. Lance shrieked loud enough for the entire building to hear before he was 

coming, all over Kolivan’s hand, the couch and his own stomach. His hand jerked,  _ hard _ , as his back bowed before he collapsed onto the couch, a mess of sweat and cum. Breathing hard, he blinked up at Kolivan.

 

Kolivan doubled over as Lance jerked his hand over his cock; Lance’s hand tightened as he came and Kolivan cursed as he came over Lance’s hand and across his stomach. His hips jerked in the aftershocks. “Holy shi- _ it! _ ” His hand trembled as he ran it up Lance’s stomach, smearing their cum together onto his skin. He smiled down at Lance. “So, uh…” Kolivan chuckled as he leaned down to press a chaste kiss to the corner of Lance’s mouth.

 

Lance blearily tried to turn his head for a real kiss, but didn't have much energy for the movement. “I’m dead… You killed me…. you can have the apartment… Allura gets my shower stuff…” His voice was a little rough but he took a couple of slow deep breaths to try and steady himself. 

 

Kolivan chuckled as he picked Lance’s legs up so he could sit on the couch; he ran his hands up and down his legs. ‘So, I’m guessing you enjoyed yourself?”

 

Lance worked himself up onto one elbow, and directed Kolivan with a flat look. “It has either been way too long, or the last couple of people I was with had no idea what they were doing because I don’t think I have ever cum that hard or that loudly.” He froze, then dropped back onto the couch with a groan. “Oh shit… I’m sure  _ God _ heard me!”

 

“Hmmm…” Kolivan chuckled. “Maybe not God, but most likely that old women that lives across the hall heard you.” He patted Lance’s leg. “Think you wanna get cleaned up now?”

 

Lance raised his hands and pressed them to his face. “I am never going to leave my apartment again ever. Forget laundry, forget the mail. Nope. Never ever  _ ever _ leaving again.” He struggled for a minute before he slowly lowered his hands. “Yeah… I… Yeah…”

 

Kolivan laughed as he pushed Lance’s feet to the ground; he helped him stand. “C’mon, then. Let’s go get you cleaned up.”

 

***

 

It took Lance three more months to find out that Kolivan, despite having a good job, and his benefits still didn’t have an apartment of his own. The only reason he found out about that was entirely due to Allura’s big mouth. 

 

Allura had mentioned that Kolivan had been looking for a motel closer to Lance’s neighborhood, and Lance, distracted as always, had asked why he would need a motel. Allura had tried to weasel her way out of actually explaining, but in the end, she caved, and Lance made a decision pretty quickly. 

 

He was not letting his boyfriend spend one more day without an actual home… 

 

***

 

Kolivan knocked on Lance’s door; He had stopped by that small flower shop again - this time with a small bouquet of tulips. He smiled as Lance opened the door.

 

Lance grinned, and raised up pressing a light kiss to Kolivan’s mouth before tugging him inside the apartment. “Hey… How are you?”

 

“I’m better now that I’m here with you.” 

 

“That’s sweet… Oh! Tulips! I like these…” He took the flowers and went to get them water. “Hey… sit down a minute, I want to talk to you, okay?”

 

“Of course! Is anything the matter?” Kolivan situated himself on the end of the couch as he waited for Lance to return.

 

Lance came back into the living room, set the flowers on the end table and dropped himself into Kolivan’s lap. “Well… not with me. But, I saw Allura yesterday.” He looped his arms around Kolivan’s neck. “Kolivan… Do you have something to tell me?”

 

He smiled as Lance draped himself around his shoulders. “Tell you something? No… not that I can think of…”

 

Lance made a soft sound in his throat before he shrugged, “okay. So then, did you find a new motel yet?”

 

“No… not yet. Wait --” He tensed. “How did you even find out about that?” 

 

“I did just tell you, I saw Allura yesterday. She let it slip you were looking for a new one.” Lance kept his arms around Kolivan’s shoulders, but he let his mouth droop down a little. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

 

Kolivan shrugged. “I didn’t want you to have to worry about that.”

 

Lance nodded. “That’s fair… I do worry a lot. Of course, now it doesn’t matter anymore.”

 

“Hmm? And why wouldn’t it matter anymore?”

 

“Oh, because,” Lance dropped a kiss on Kolivan’s nose before he stood up. “You’re staying with me, of course.” He moved toward the kitchen to collect some coffee.

 

“Wait, what?” Kolivan jumped up to follow Lance. “Hey, no. I can’t ask you to do something like that.”

 

“And, when did you ask me for that Kolivan?” Lance raised one eyebrow. “I’m pretty sure I decided that about three seconds after I kicked Allura out early for not telling me sooner.”

 

“But Lance --”

 

“Kolivan. Are you my boyfriend, or not?”

 

“Yeah, of course I am.”

 

“So, it is still a thing for two people who are dating and in love to move in together, right?” Lance set a mug down on the counter and sipped at his own.

 

Kolivan reached for the mug on the counter. “I guess. I just -- I don’t know. I guess I just don’t want to feel like you  _ have _ to do this…” 

 

Lance made that same noise again. “Well, I don’t want you to feel like you  _ have _ to hide things.” He set his mug down, and looked up, expression serious. “I would have let you move in with me, even when we were just friends. But.. I love you now, I want you here..”

 

He put his mug down and walked over to give Lance a kiss on the cheek. “I love you too. If this is something that you really want, then I’d love to live here with you.”

 

“Okay then. So, just… instead of the date we planned on…. Why don’t you just… get your stuff and move in… now?”

 

“Now?” He leaned down to give Lance another kiss. “Mmmm… sounds like a plan to me.” He leaned his forehead against Lance’s. “I really do love you.”

 

Lance’s face lit up, like it always did when Kolivan said that. “I love you too. Go get your stuff, and I’ll have dinner waiting for you… here at  _ home _ , when you get back.”

 

“When I get home.” Kolivan smiled. “Yeah, I like the sound of that…” 

**Author's Note:**

> #RIPHOLLY


End file.
